Katie J's Journal

I'm moving...

2009-08-11T16:13:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I'm moving to a new blog address. I explain why on the new blog. It's going to take me awhile to get it fully set up, but I'm going to at least start posting on there so that it forces me to find my way around it and figure out how to do things. The address is katiejsjournal.wordpress.com. See you there!

Another Update... God is so good!

2009-08-10T21:15:00.002-04:00

My friend's friend that I wrote about, Karen, who breastfed her adopted baby exclusively using a supplemental nursing system, called me today. We had a wonderful conversation. She was so encouraging. Not only did she tell me everything to do and exactly how to do it, etc... she has supplies left over from her son that she's going to sell me. She's basically going to sell me her Lact-aid supplemental nursing system, lots of bags, extra parts, herbs that I need, and more for $30. We'll be getting almost everything I need off of that huge list that I posted! She even has an almost-full bottle of the Domperidone. (She ordered it from Australia because you don't need a prescription over there to get it and it's much cheaper.) I'll still have to talk to my doctor about it, as she did, but I'll have everything I need to get started and then some! What a blessing! I have to admit that I keep rubbing Matthew in my tummy when he's sleeping and when he's active, just imagining nursing him. I also look at my Ev and regret that I didn't know all this then, but I can only work on the future, so that's what I'll do. Who knows, maybe I'll be an inspiration to other women if this all works out. Please, though, friends, don't assume that the battle's over... please, please continue to pray for me. Even if it works, it's going to be hard work and take lots of time and effort. We need all the prayer we can get! I do want to leave you with this quote that I found on the Motherlove website. (They sell the Motherlove Special Blend that Karen is giving me- it's specifically formulated to help adoptive moms and moms with breast formation issues or past surgeries. ) There were lots of quotes from women who had previous breast surgery that said this worked, but this one is specific sounded like it could have been me. I was so excited to read this!

I always had strangely shaped, tubular breasts, and during my first pregnancy they never enlarged. At one week of age, my daughter was well under her birth weight, and we made an urgent call to a lactation consultant. We discovered that I didn’t have a lot of milk making breast tissue, even though my breasts were long…. I started pumping immediately; along with Goat’s Rue and More Milk Plus tincture every feeding…. Gradually my milk production increased. Soon, I had enough milk to make it through night feedings with just me! At two months, because I breastfed very often and (she) nursed willingly, we decided to stop pumping but maintain the herbs. By three months, I was down to two evening bottles, and at age four months, (she) decided not to take a supplemental bottle at all. She continued to gain weight at the same pace and was a healthy baby. The work was hard, but the reward was great!—J. Story - Excerpt from A Breastfeeding Mother’s Guide to Making More Milk by Diana West and Lisa Marasco

Isn't that exciting??? :) I'm hoping to get the book that this was an exerpt in because the website lists the chapters and one of them is specifically about tubular breasts and breast surgery. Anyhow, others have gone before me and done this, and I can do it too, Lord willing! Good night, all :).

An Update on my Boobs :)

2009-08-10T09:25:00.002-04:00

Well, after getting sad while writing my last post, I got even more determined to do more research. So this weekend I stayed up late after the kids went to bed and surfed the 'net. I found lots of useful websites, but these were the two that were most useful to me:

www.mobimotherhood.org

www.nbci.ca

I also emailed a friend of mine at church who is due to have her 8th child in September. She's also a midwife and the La Leche League leader in her area. (We go to church about a half hour from where we live.) I told her my story (the shorter version) and asked for help. She sent me the most encouraging email ever! I was crying when I finished reading it and was so excited I couldn't sleep last night! She encouraged me as well as gave me the email address of a friend of hers who exclusively breastfed her adopted newborn using a lactation aid and the breastmilk she was able to produce by pumping, using medications, and taking herbs. Most of all, Cheri encouraged me in that she said that, even if I have to use a lactation aid, I can absolutely nurse Matthew! Here is the regimin I'm on now and what I will be on after Matthew is born. (Some things aren't safe to take until the baby is born.)

For now:

-My prenatal vitamins
-16 tablets of Alfalfa a day

After delivery:

-I'll continue the above, plus...
-At least 3 capsules of Fenugreek 3 times a day
-3 capsules of Blessed Thistle 3 times a day
-Use the lact-aid supplemental nursing system (you should google it- it's amazing!)
-Take 3-4 tablets/pills of Domperidone 3-4 times a day

The scary thing right now is the cost. It cost about $11 a month for the alfalfa, $5 a month for the prenatal vitamins, $18 a month for the Fenugreek, $12 a month for the Blessed Thistle, $69 for the Lact-aid (not counting replacement tubes and bags- it comes with 100 bags), and who knows for the Domperidone. I'm hoping insurance will cover it, but, if not, you can get it online for about $80 a month. Yikes... that's $115-$195 a month. But I know God will provide a way. And I'm so blessed that James is so supportive. Well, I need to run. I here Gabi in the kitchen and that is never a good thing! Keep praying!

My Boobs Don't Work...

2009-08-07T16:39:00.003-04:00

Sorry, I couldn't decide whether or not to use a funny-ish title for this post. I was hoping it might break the ice.... let me first say that I'm not writing this post for pity or to gross people out. I'm writing it because, the more I research my condition, the more people I find who have it, too. And, because I am so grateful that they were willing to write their stories for me to learn from/ find hope in, I feel like I should reciprocate for the benefits of others to come along. That said, here goes:

When I was 12, I noticed that my breasts didn't look like any others I had seen. (Probably at that point, my mom's, sister's, and probably some friends.) One of them was much smaller than the other one, and they just looked "weird." I did what any young girl would do: I showed them to my mom. Later, she told me that she was really almost "freaked out," but she calmly said something to the effect of, "Yes, honey, there's a big difference in size, let's show your sister." So, show my sister we did. When she, too, was "freaked out," we showed my dad. (Not a pleasant experience for an adolescent, I assure you. I'm guessing it wasn't that pleasant for him, either.)

My parents apparently agreed that my mom should take me to the doctor. Fortunately, at that time, my dad was still in the Air Force. I don't remember the doctor's name because, with military life, you get whoever they give you, but I remember him (or her?) saying that there definitely was a significant difference in size and he/she would refer me to a plastic surgeon.

I, again, don't remember the plastic surgeon's name, but I do remember that he was a black man probably in his 40's who made me feel really comfortable and "okay" with this. He looked at my breasts and informed my mom and I that, not only were my breasts very different in size (like the difference between an A cup and a C cup) but that I had something called tubular breast syndrome. Basically, for whatever reason, my breasts formed in more of tube shapes than the typical cone shape. There was very little fat at the base of the breasts and more fat kind of "clumped" at the end of the breast, behind an enlarged ariola. (I've since learned through my research that this is typical of tubular breasts.) The doctor recommended two things: that he go into both breasts and cut the fat bands apart to help them spread so they would be more normally shaped and to put a saline implant in my left breast so that they would be much closer in size. At that point, I didn't want to argue. I was 13 and had ugly breasts that looked weird. I wanted to be "normal" and this was as close to normal as it was going to get.

On May 8, 1995, I had the surgery. I remember be scared because the nurses said that they would have me get on the operating table myself once we got into the operating room. I was terrified that I would see a scalpel or something laying beside me. Turns out that in the preop room, they told me to count backwards from 100 and I must have been gone by 97 or 96. That was a relief. I remember being sore afterwards but, most of all, uncomfortable. I cannot say enough that I do not recommend for others to get an implant in one breast but not the other. It's very, very strange. One is heavier than the other, one flattens more than the other when you lie down, it's hard to find a bra that feels like it supports both evenly, etc. I can't say either way about getting both breasts "done," but I definitely feel that way about having only one done.

So, fast forward 10 years. I meet my incredible husband, James, who not only thinks that my having a foster daughter as a single mom was wonderful, he likes my breasts, too. (At least he says so.) He says he gets the best of both worlds. I don't say this to gross you out, but to give him the credit he deserves for always being supportive and loving. When we had been married a year, we found out, surprise! we were pregnant with Evan. (It was a surprise because Gabi had just turned 1 and Sarah was only a month old when I conceived.) It was a tough pregnancy because we had just moved, started new jobs, were having issues with our employer, and James was still in school. To top it off, I developed severe preeclampsia at 30 1/2 weeks and had to be delivered by c-section at 31 1/2 weeks. Now, I had seen the hospital lactation consultant around 4 months because I was so desperate to breastfeed, and knew I might have problems. She basically told me that she couldn't help me; we would just have to wait and see what happened. So after having my baby surgically removed way too early in the pregnancy, I saw him, literally, for a few seconds, then didn't see him again until over 24 hours later. At that point, he was hooked up to a ventilator and I couldn't even hold him. I was in so much pain and so drugged from pain medicines and, I would find out later, mostly my blood pressure meds, that I could barely keep my head up or reach my hand in the feel his little body. It was a full 2 weeks until I finally figured out that the blood pressure medicine was making me feel so tired and whoozy- I would visit my Evan and sit by his isolet (sp?) and think about what an awful mom I was because all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep. I felt much better after they lowered my meds; even the NICU nurses noticed a huge difference. All this time, I pumped. I pumped ever 3 hours, through night and day. And all I got was between 5 and 10 mL (yes, mL) in breastmilk. The nurses encouraged me, saying that it was good for him, and they put it in his feeding tube. By the time Evan was 4 or 5 weeks old and they encouraged me to try to breastfeed, I was so discouraged from seeing these other moms carry out bottle full of breastmilk from the breastfeeding room that I tried once and just quit. I had failed in the one thing I had dreamt about since I was a little girl. Since I would play with my babies and put them up my shirt to pretend I was nursing. Since I would see moms at church and in public nursing and barely be able to take my eyes away because it was so sweet and precious. James had been so supportive; we had even bought a supplemental nursing system with money we really couldn't afford to spend. It had a bottle that hung around my neck with tubes I could tape to my breasts so that Evan could nurse on me while getting formula. Unfortunately, the lactation consultant was not supportive of this at all, so I was embarrassed to pull it out in the NICU. By the time Evan came home at 6 weeks, I just tried not to think about nursing and focused on him gaining weight and being healthy.

Well, here I am again. For months, since Evan was born and all the way through this pregnancy, I have succumbed to tears at times because I so desire to breastfeed. I've been angry at God. Angry that he would allow someone else's breasts to work and they wouldn't even care to breastfeed. Having friends that didn't breastfeed on purpose because they didn't want to get engorged. And no, I promise, I'm not being judgemental about their decision. I'm just frustrated that they CAN and DON'T and I want to SO BADLY and CAN'T. I have prayed. I have tried herbs. I have prayed more. I have tried Reglan, a prescription that's supposed to help increase milk supply. And I have prayed more. I have cried to myself in the shower and cried in James' arms. And yes, I'm crying now. I don't think I will ever get over this. Ever. I am determined to try again with Matthew. I am determined that maybe it will be different if we can make it further along in the pregnancy and he be, dare I say it, full term. I know what you're thinking: be thankful that you baby is healthy. Be thankful that we have infant formula that's nearly as good as breastmilk. I am, I promise. But being thankful for those things doesn't take away the heartache when I see other mommies holding their babies close, comforting and nourishing them in a miraculous way that our God created. No, I will never get over this. So, as I said, I write this for the benefit of others who may feel alone. And I guess I also write this asking for prayer. Maybe, just maybe, if you pray for me, and beg with me, our God will see fit to give me this gift. I know I'm not any more deserving than anybody else, but I can't help but ask. And now I'm going to wipe away my tears because my Gabi is standing by me, holding onto my arm, saying, "Mommy, I don't want you to be sad." And I'm just going to hope, one more time.

Much-needed Time Away

2009-08-03T21:14:00.002-04:00

This past weekend was James' and my "anniversary weekend." (I put that in quotes b/c our anniversary isn't really for another month, but this was the best weekend to find people to keep our children.) We left about 10:20 on Friday and began by dropping Sarah and Evan off at my parents' house. Then we drove to NC to drop Gabi off at Gary and Shannon's house. (Gary is one of our church elders... his oldest girls, Aerin and Joelle, come once a week to help me, so Gabi is very familiar with them. He has 6 children in all and his oldest, Nathaniel (aka "Faniel" to Gabi) raises chickens, which Gabi loves to see.) From there, we went back into SC to drop Nafa off at Gary and Elaine's house. They are an older couple who never had children of their own. I met Elaine in college at breakfast, where I thought she was a "lonely secretary" eating by herself and joined her to keep her company. After eating breakfast with her almost daily for the next 6 months or so, I found out she was really the head of the business department. She became a precious friend and is now retired with her sweet husband Gary. They had a ball keeping Nafa and letting him watch the birds outside their living room window. From their home, we went by the Adoptions office to drop off some paperwork that we had finished for Sarah's pending adoption (yay!) and finally felt like we were "on vacation." We drove to the hotel and checked in. We were so excited to take a nap before dinner; funny thing was, we couldn't sleep! We laid there for about 10 minutes then decided to get up and get some things done on our "to do list." We went by the clearance Goodwill store where they sell things in huge bins and you just dig through to find what you want. Everything costs $1.09 a pound, except for books, which were cheaper. We were on a mission: to find interesting/exciting/fun dress up close for the kids. We also found some books and were excited to find two dress-up vests and some camo pants that I need to cut off for Evan, so he could play dress-up, too. (He was so cute today- I put one of the vests on him and he walked around smiling, then picked up a bright orange purse and put it on his shoulder... he was set to go! :)) After that, we went to Babies'r'us to look for bottles for Matthew, just in case I can't nurse again. (Even if I can, chances are I'll need to supplement... more on that later.) We left from there to eat at our favorite Japanese restaurant, Miyabi. Mmmmm, it was so good. The only negative was that there was a really rude girl/woman next to us with her husband/boyfriend. She got really upset at the waiter because he wouldn't put her drink in a to go cup. Then, she asked for low-sodium soy sauce, but proceeded to add salt to ALL her food... so strange. It reminded me of the restaurant scene in the beginning of Return to Me. If you've never seen that movie, you absolutely should, but make sure you have tissues nearby. Despite her rudeness, the meal was soooo yummy and we had leftovers for the next day. After Miyabi, we went to the Christian bookstore, where we enjoyed taking our time (which we never get to do in stores with the children.) James and I each got a new book. He got a portable seminary companion. (I can't remember the name of it.) It looks very interesting- I read the introduction to him in the car and I'm looking forward to learning more about what we believe and the history of the church together. I got a book by Elizabeth George (who I love) called A Woman's High Calling: 10 Essentials for Godly Living. I've only read the introduction, but it looks wonderful. The 10 essentials she lists are wisdom, Godly speech, love of husband, love of children, ministry to other women, purity, personal discipline, goodness, Godly behavior, and love of home. I'm looking so forward to digging into it! After lifeway, we went back to the hotel. We were going to swim, but our room was so cool and quiet that we decided to try to watch a movie. Unfortunately, the DVD player we brought wouldn't work with the tv in the living area and this hotel didn't have movies that you could order, so we were stuck just watching tv. It's funny how, since not having tv in our home for months now, nothing looked good. We were looking forward to being able to watch, but were pretty bored with everything that was on. In fact, we were pretty bored the whole time! Not that I'm complaining, but it's hard to get used to doing "nothing" when you're used to constantly being busy, you know? Anyhow, we went to bed and woke up the next morning in time more a yummy hotel breakfast. We had planned to eat well so that we could skip lunch, and eat well we did! After some more tv browsing, we left to go to the teacher store so we could look for homeschool materials. To tell you the truth, the store in our small town is much better, so I didn't find much that interested me, but I made mental notes as I got ideas. From there, we went to Target (which we don't have in our town) and had fun in the Dollar Stop (found puzzles for the girls and a football for Evan for treats) and basically walked around just enjoying not being in a rush. We left there and went to Barnes and Noble which was the best. I found 6 books on homeschooling and just sat in a corner (because the chairs were all full) and enjoyed looking through them. One of them I really wanted, but I had already gotten my "treat" (my book) and couldn't get it this time. Maybe soon... Before we left I found a fiction book about an Amish young woman and read about a chapter. I've always been facinated with their life and, though I don't believe all worldliness is bad, I love the thought of really simplifying our life. (Of course, I definitely want indoor plumbing! Electricity has it's perks, too... :)) From there we went to Mimi's Cafe for an early dinner. I ordered their Corn Chowder and salad with a honey-bran muffin...it was so yummy. James got a cheeseburger and I stole a couple bites of that- I have been craving protein so much with Matthew! We left Mimi's and headed back to the hotel where, again, we tried to nap... with no luck. That really stunk- all the time to nap in the world and not able to fall asleep- at home I can barely wait for the girls to fall asleep to get to my bed- sometimes I even fall asleep with them! We ended up watching tv for awhile and then swimming, which was nice except for I couldn't get in the hot tub :(. I did slip in for a few minutes because I didn't think it was any hotter than my bath water, but James worried the whole time so I got out. The pool water was freezing, though! We probably stayed out there less than an hour, then went back to the room. James tried to hook up the DVD player to the bedroom tv this time and it worked, except for it was in black and white. It turned out fine, though, because we had borrowed The Untouchables from my brother, Matt, and it's a movie set in the 1930s, so the black and white seemed appropriate. It was actually a really good movie. I ended up falling asleep to the new Bewitched on tv. Can I just say that I don't get why they remake perfectly wonderful old shows and movies? Like Yours, Mine, and Ours... the original was so good. Anyhow, Sunday morning we got up and enjoyed a yummy breakfast again. We had asked for late checkout and were going to stay until 1, but my mom called about 10:30 and had an issue, so we had to shower and leave, which was sad, but we were ready to see our babies, too. We went back to Gary and Elaine's to get Nafa. They had planned on us eating lunch with them, so we were all sad that we had to hurry. I think they were sad to see him go. From there, we went straight to my parents' house since my mom had brought Gabi home from church with them. We were so happy to have our family back together, but it was a rough afternoon and evening as none of the children slept as well as normal being in new places, so they were very tired. We picked Christopher up when we got the kids and he ate pizza with us for dinner. Then I took a bubble bath with Gabs to try to get her our of her tired "funk," and it worked while we were in there. When it was time to get out, she was a monster! We made it though and got them settled for bed. I had an awful headache (I think from the weather) and went to bed early. All in all, it was such a nice weekend. Nothing exciting or particularly romantic about it- just the two of us enjoying talking to each other without interruptions, snuggling without someone squeezing in between us, eating full meals without getting up once, and just enjoying each other period. We are so grateful for the wonderful people that kept our children for us; we know that 4 little ones are not easy and we're so thankful that you were willing to do it. We wish we could do this twice a year and, though that will probably never happen, we're looking forward to the next time God paves a way for us to get away together- alone. Until then, we'll enjoy the memories and just enjoy being "Daddy" and "Mommy." (Oh, and I'm too sleepy to edit this so excuse my grammatical errors. :))

Catching up...

2009-06-30T08:07:00.002-04:00

Whew, it's been a long week since I posted on Rachel's birthday! So much has happened! I'm going to try to jot down important things without getting bogged down with too many details; hopefully, that will help me to keep up with my memory-keeping!

-Sarah's adoption caseworker, Genny, visited on Thursday. She is hoping that she'll get Sarah's legally-free letter so that we can sign paperwork this Friday- whoohoo! Then, we basically take the letter to our lawyer and she begins correspondence with DSS adoptions. She'll set a court date- hopefully soon!- and get everything together. You never know how long it will take to get to court, but we're hoping that our Sarah will be ours officially by the end of summer!

-Right before Genny came on Thursday, Angel hurt her arm. I was getting everybody out of the playroom because Gabi's OT had arrived and she and Gabi needed to work alone for awhile. I took Angel's hand to bring her out, and she had a fit and threw her body to the floor. I heard something "pop," but checked her arm and it looked fine. She continued to fuss about her arm hurting until, finally, I decided to call the doctor. (When you offer Angel a snack and she refuses, you know something's wrong! :)) The doctor didn't have any appointments until late that afternoon, so I decided to take her to the ER. Thankfully, two of our church elder's daughters had come to help for the day. Aerin is 12 and Joelle is 11. We were done in an hour, and the children did pretty well, especially considering it was lunch time and I had asked Joelle to make some quick PB sandwiches to take with us. The doctor took x-rays of the elbow and said it looked fine, but had probably been something called "nursemaid's elbow" that is common at this age. He said it had probably corrected itself and would stop hurting in the next hour or so. Well, the story doesn't end there. Angel continued to complain about her arm hurting through Saturday. She tends to make a big deal out of things, so I didn't worry too much about it. However, when she was still complaining at lunch on Saturday, I gently twisted her arm while James distracted her, and she cried out. James decided to take her back to the ER during nap. Bless his heart, he took Mayce, too, and they were there for 4 hours. (The rest of us got a great nap, though :).) This time, they did an x-ray of her whole arm. Apparently there might be a teeny-tiny hairline fracture in the growth plate of her humorus. So, we're going to the "bone doctor" this morning to have it checked out. She has a half-cast/half-splint on it until it's checked out. I hope she gets it off today because it's starting to fall apart- 2-year olds and casts don't work well together!

Well, I'm going to take a break b/c I need to get everybody ready for the doctor. Hopefully I'll find time later to come back and finish up before more "stuff" happens and I get further behind! Have a good day!

(Oh, check out my friend, Rebecca's post, on the left of the page- she has a fun "tag-you're it" post that I hope to do later, too. I'd love for y'all to do it because I enjoyed reading her answers and getting to know her more.)

:(

2009-06-29T13:04:00.002-04:00

I really wish I had time to write a looong journal entry- so much has been happening and I have so much on my heart and mind. Unfortunately, I don't. So here's my little greeting saying that I'm still alive :). Hope you all have a wonderful week.

Happy Birthday, Rachel!

2009-06-24T10:56:00.002-04:00

No, we do not have a new daughter :). Today is my niece, Rachel's, 3rd birthday. My sister and her family live way far away in Texas, so I only get to see her about once a year :(. Rachel is precious- very different from Gabi. She's always loved bows (supposedly she would ask Whit to put them on her in the morning when she was still pretty young) and loves to play dress-up. (Gabi likes to play dress-up but she'd rather be a gorilla than a princess.) Rachel has the sweetest little voice- I love to hear it in the background when I'm talking to Whit on the phone. I remember being so excited when Whitney got pregnant, but I did not like being far away. I wanted to be involved, to be a part of Rachel's life. But, alas, we've had to learn to deal with being separated by miles. Gabi keeps saying that she wants to ride on a plane to see Rachel- I have to admit that I long for that, too... often. So, since we can't be there on your special day to love on you and celebrate your special day, we'll just have to dedicate this post to you :). Happy birthday, Rachel Joy! Love, Uncle James, Aunt Kate, Mayce, Gabi, Angel, Sarah, Evan, Naaman, and Matthew

A Special Father's Day

2009-06-21T17:58:00.003-04:00

(Wow- I just read this to check grammar/spelling- soooo many typos! This is what happens when Mommy doesn't get a nap! :))

Today was a really special Father's Day. Not only have we double our amount of children since last year :), but we had a special morning at church. We went to church like normal, but the children were wonderful. I had bought each girl a clipboard and the dollar store, along with a pencil pouch in their "colors." (I use certain colors to organize all the children's things: Mayce is red, Gabi is blue, Angel is green, Sarah is pink, Evan is yellow, etc.) I filled the pouch with colored pens, crayons, and stickers. The girls happily sat through the sermon, making creations on old notebook paper. Although I'd love to get them to wear they had the self-control to sit through the service without these kinds of aides, it's almost impossible to since we are so out-numbered. I am thankful, though, that we left the service not exhausted for the first time ever! (Well, since we started attending a family-integrated church and our children are all with us instead of in a nursery.)

After church, all the members/attendees drove to a nearby river for 3 baptisms. Although it was very hot (around 95, I think), it was such an incredible experience. One of our elders, Gary, baptized his daughter, Anya. Then Gary baptized a man in our church, Nathan, who had grown up in a church that believed in infant baptized, thus he had never been baptized after coming to know Christ. Then, Nathan turned around and baptized his wife, Jane (who is a precious friend of mine). Jane grew up in a church similar to Nathan's, but also has a great fear of water. It was a big step for her to get in that swirling river to show what Christ has done in her life. We sang at the riverside as a church body, giving praise to God for His grace.

Then, the church drove to a nearby college campus for a picnic. We hadn't planned to attend, but after the children's good behavior at church, we felt like we could do it. So we swung by the grocery store and got things for sandwiches and went to the picnic. It was, again, very hot, but not too bad under some pretty shady trees. We enjoyed fellowshipping with our friends and the children enjoyed walking to the pond with friends to see the ducks.

On our way home, everyone was pretty grumpy from the heat and long morning. We were still glad to have participated in every part and were talking about it. All of the sudden, James saw a truck coming towards us throw a kitten out the window. (And this was on a 55 mile-per hour highway.) He immediately pulled into a driveway and turned around. We went to wear the kitten had landed and I found him/her huddled against the side of an abandoned house. She was shaking and scared, but let me pick her up. She looks fine on the outside, and we're hoping that she doesn't have any internal injuries that we don't know about. We went by the store for James to go in to get a litter pan, litter, food, and flea bath. When we got home, we got the children dressed in play clothes and I gave the kitten a flea bath. The fleas are dead, but we didn't know to buy a comb so they're still on her fur. (James is gone to get one now.) She's in the bathroom, happily curled up on a towel, bathing and sleeping. When I go in to check on her, she purrs contentedly when I pet her. She hasn't eaten much of her food, but I moistened it (it's dry food) because she may be used to her mom's milk, if she was taken away from her abruptly. She's precious and I hope will become a beloved part of our family. We're waiting for Daddy to name her- I told him he had to since it's Father's Day. (He sure is taking a long time!) Mayce was cute in the car. She said: Is the cat a boy or girl? And I said, "We're not sure yet." She said, "Let's make it a girl." I said, "It has to be whatever God made it to be." She said, "Ask God to make it a girl." What a day to spend with my husband and family before a busy week begins yet again! I hope you all had a good Father's Day and have a good week!

A VERY long week... but with lots to look forward to!

2009-06-19T15:33:00.002-04:00

It truly has been a long week. I know that I've used this phrase many times in the past, but this one has been particularly tough. Thankfully, there were enough highlights to help me make it to today. In approximately 2 and a half to 3 hours my James will be home! Yay!

Unfortunately, the children (specifically, the girls) have been awful this week. I've never heard more bickering, name-calling, tattling, whining, etc in my life! They happen to be getting along at this particular moment, but I'm expecting to be interrupted at any time. On top of that, sleep has been hard to come by. Thankfully, everybody is taking 45-90 minute naps, but night time is a different story. We start the "bedtime routine" at 8 (not counting baths- they start earlier) and it's been as late as 10:45 before everyone is asleep. Gabi is having a really hard time, but then again, she's had problems with sleep since she was born. We figured out that Sarah will be out in 10 to 15minutes if we rock her- which is an easy- and kind of sweet, way to get our baby girl down. Angel is pretty good about getting in bed and going to sleep relatively quickly on her own. We've had a couple of nights of feet kicking the wall and the top bunk (where Gabi is) but have been pretty successful at controlling that. Mayce is generally obedient, except that it takes her forever (meaning a couple of hours) to fall asleep. There have been nights when I finally had to go to bed around 11 or so and she was still awake. We've also had some trouble with her being defiant and whining in a loud, pretty obnoxious voice, which wakes up the others that we've already gotten to sleep. Generally not getting her "sleep treat" in the morning will fix her for the next night, though. And Gabi- well, Gabi goes from jumping on her bed and being defiant to screaming and crying for various things: Daddy, a back rub, a new blanket, different music, etc. We, of course, don't give in. (Well, I can't always speak for Daddy :)). She is very much like Christopher, my 12 year old adopted brother. They both have very similar fetal histories of drug and alcohol exposure, and both have a very unregulated sleep pattern and an inability to calm themselves or gain self-control. This can make for very long nights! However, we are praying that there is hope on the horizon. I've been researching the use of melatonin in toddlers (which Christopher has been using successfully for months) and James bought some today during his lunch break. We're going to try it with Gabi to see if it works, then possibly with Mayce to help her get her body clock going to bed a little earlier and being more of a "happy early riser." If you've heard of anything else that works, please let us know. (BTW, we've tried warm milk, lavender baths and lotion, catnip tea, "calm child," and other things I probably can't remember- none of those worked for our Gabi.

On Wednesday, I had my "anatomy" ultrasound. Melissa watched the 4 little one for me and Mayce and Gabi got to go with me. (As well as my mom and our friend's daughter, Aerin.) Matthew was showing off like crazy! He was drinking amniotic fluid, sucking his fingers, waving at us, and showing off his privates to prove that he's a boy. :) The best news was that the ultrasound tech (who I love) was looking for an abnormality in the arteries in my uterine wall. This abnormality could point to more of a risk for preeclampsia. Praise the Lord, everything was normal! It doesn't mean I won't get it, but I'm choosing to believe that God is taking care of me and little Matthew (who only weighs 8oz!). I also got to sort of witness to a nursing student who came in to watch. I asked her what type of nurse she wanted to become and she said she's thinking about continuing school to become a genetic counselor. I was able to, compassionately, tell her two stories of personal friends who were told to abort because of awful complications that would happen to their babies, but chose not to. In both cases, the babies have some complications, but nothing as serious as what was predicted. Most importantly, they are both such joys to their parents. She didn't respond much, but the ultrasound chimed in about what a miracle it is that a baby as tiny as Matthew has all the "parts" he needs to function- but just needs to grow. I pray that God will show her what a gift life is and she will see all life as important and worthwhile.

As far as the things to look forward to: James and I got a check that we really weren't expecting in the mail this week. We're planning to use it to go away for our anniversary for a weekend! Our anniversary isn't until September 2, but the best Friday to take off was July 31st, so we're planning for that weekend. YAY! We found a hotel about an hour away that's a Mariott Residence Inn- we stayed in one of these at the beach with Gabi when she was 6 months old and it was wonderful! There's a bedroom, a living room, and a kitchen. It's also where we used to live, so we're excited about going back to our favorite restaurants and being back "home." (Mmmm, we're thinking take-out from Mimi's on Friday and Japanese at Miyabi on Saturday... I get hungry just thinking about it!) We're planning on staying at the hotel and sleeping or swimming or SLEEPING when we're not out eating. (We may go see a movie, but I think we'll probably just watch one on tv- I have a hard time making it through a whole movie, especially when I'm pregnant.) Did I mention that I'm super excited! I printed out a calendar to cross off days and am loving crossing them off! A family at church has offered to watch Naaman and I think my parents are going to watch either Gabi or Sarah and Evan. Hopefully we'll find wonderful places for the other children so we don't have to worry about them while we're gone! Oh yeah, did I tell you I'm excited??? :)

So, that was a very long post, but I've been wanting to get some thoughts down for the future all week. Sarah is busy tearing up a box and Mayce and Gabi are playing- but it's the kind of play that can quickly turn into fighting, if you know what I mean. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and a happy Father's Day!

Happy Birthday, Gabi Joy!

2009-06-15T07:58:00.003-04:00

Today, our sweet Gabi is 3 years old. I can hardly believe that 3 years have passed so quickly, and yet I can barely remember life without her. At this time 3 years ago, we had no idea our lives were going to change drastically. James and I were engaged and I had been doing foster care for several months as a "single mom." I had an 18-month old named Vanessa, who I had fostered since March. I can still remember getting the call that our Gabi (not her name at the time) needed a home. We were on our way out of Sam's and had to run back in to get diapers. (Of course, at only 4lbs 12oz, we ended up returning to a store to get preemie diapers!) I can remember stopping by DSS to pick up the necessary paperwork, then heading to the hospital together. James played with (or should I say chased?) Vanessa in the hallways while I went into the baby nursery to get Gabi. She was so tiny! I remember feeling like I might break her when I picked her up. Putting her in her carseat was nerve-wrecking because she was so tiny that she barely fit in the seatbelts. I can remember how strange it felt to walk into the hospital, pick up a baby, and walk out. Very surreal. Gabi had a bassinet that a friend had lent me, but since James and I weren't married and I had a full-sized bed to myself, my Gabi slept with Mommy most nights. I have pictures, but they're on a disk in the safe, so I'll try to post those later. (No promises, though :)). Today our Gabi is a walking, talking, hugging, kissing, biting, hitting, 3-year old. But I wouldn't trade her for anything. She is an absolute joy to James and I. The tough times seem to only make the good times that much better. Yesterday I asked her how old she was and she said, "2." Then I asked her how old she would be today. She looked at me and thought for a second and said, "Older." She wants to grow up so fast, and I just want her to take her time and go slowly. I know that the next 3 years will go by even faster, so I'm going to purpose to enjoy them as much as I can, and to treasure our sweet girl. Happy birthday, precious Gabi!

And He shows His faithfulness again...

2009-06-10T10:54:00.003-04:00

Last night, I went to bed with a pounding headache. Between Naaman, Gabi, and Mayce, I'd guess that James and I didn't sleep for more than 30 minutes to an hour at a time. Then, at 2:30am, Mayce woke again and was burning up with a fever. Although I knew I could give her some Tylenol and wait until morning to take her to the doctor, I chose to get dressed and take her to the ER, since going to the doctor during the day requires finding help with the other children. After more than 2 hours in the ER (which I guess is not much for the ER, so I should be thankful), we found out that she has Bronchitis (I don't know if that's spelled right and don't feel like checking!) and her blood oxygen level was low. She did great, though, as they did chest x-rays (which I couldn't be in the room for because of Matthew) and had blood drawn (she didn't shed a tear.) She's on an antibiotic, a steroid, and a cough/congestion medicine. We came back home and she went to bed and I laid on the couch with my head still pounding, thinking, "Lord, I can't do this." Again, my incredible God was listening.

This morning, I got a call from the president of the foster parent association. She has adult children, as well as a 13 year old adopted daughter and a 7 year old foster son. Rebecca, her adopted daughter, wants desperately for them to get a little girl, but Melissa keeps telling her no, for lots of reasons. Apparently Melissa told her that she knows a place where there are lots of little girls Rebecca can play with. Melissa wanted to know if it was okay for Rebecca to come help out some days, or for the girls to go to their house to play sometimes. I started crying on the phone! We have tried and tried to twist our budget to afford a little help, but there's just nothing extra. And so, in His infinite love, my Christ provided it for me. Melissa and Rebecca will be here in about a half hour to pick up Angel to play for the day. I don't think I'll believe it until I see them pull up.

Please continue to pray for us. My headache will not go away and I'm so tired. The girls (except for Sarah) slept until 10am, and I let them because I knew they were all exhausted. The bad part about that for me is that they won't need a nap today. Pray that I choose to rest in my Lord instead of whine and complain. Pray that I have the energy to make it through the day and do everything I need to to get caught up with laundry and stay caught up with everything else. Pray that I will patient with these sweet children and not let how I feel determine how I treat them. Thank you for your prayers; I know I'll be able to feel their affect!

Why is God so good to me?

2009-06-08T16:49:00.002-04:00

Once again, my God has shown me that He cares about all aspects of my life, even the teeny-tiny ones. After a night up with Mayce, I was so tired this morning. And, I'll admit, pretty irritable. As I took the girls to their room for naptime, I prayed, "Lord, please, please let them sleep. Let Naaman sleep and let the girls go to sleep easily and together." And they did! Naaman has been fighting sleep lately; I think he's just so interested in the world around him and is enjoying getting up on his hands and knees and "rocking." For him to lay in his crib and go to sleep so easily was truly God's work. And the girls, with only a few warnings, settled down, too. Probably within 20 minutes of each other. And I got to crawl in my cool bed and rest for 45 minutes! I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me this much needed rest. I'm also grateful because, when I woke up, there was a huge bag of girls' clothes on our back stoop. Which included: white Sunday dress shoes that fit Mayce perfectly! Yesterday morning, as I was getting everybody dressed, I put a cute denim and red dress on Mayce, but all she had to wear on her feet were pink sparkly dress shoes or Dora tennis shoes that were brown and pink. I told James we were going to have to find the money to get her some white sandals, even if just at a consignment store. And my Jesus took that tiny statement, which I didn't even really take to His feet as I should have, and provided. What an amazing God! Remind me of this next time I question His provision, okay? Love you all and hope you're having a wonderful Monday!

Learning How to Be a Family

2009-06-07T22:50:00.003-04:00

There is so much to tell you (and to record for myself for later) that I don't even know where to begin! Also, it's 10:51pm and I want to get to bed soon; tomorrow will come so quickly! Right now, Naaman, Evan, Sarah, Angel, and Gabi are sleeping soundly. Mayce is not quite there. She's been crying, saying that her throat is hurting her. I'm not quite sure what to do yet; with my others, I've always kind of waited to see if it would go away. They'll get small colds that only last a few days, then they'll be fine. We're all kind of snotty right now, so I'm thinking it's either the pollen or a little cold we're passing around. The things that makes me wonder, though, is that these girls seem pretty sickly. a) I know that asthma runs in their family and b) We were given a bag of medicines like I've never seen. I don't know why I went on and on about that, but my sweet James is giving me a break b/c I've been working on her and the others for over an hour. He gave her some Tylenol, which she tried to refuse to take, and now she wants a tissue.

Mayce and Angel are precious, they really are. They are both very smart and sweet (most of the time :)). They definitely are emotionally-delayed, though. Can you blame them? (Well, you wouldn't if you knew their story.) They also seem to have gotten everything they wanted by whining and/or crying until they got it. This is really tough for James and I to listen to. We're used to saying, "No," and pretty much knowing that our answer will be accepted. (Can I just say that James just came in here because Mayce wanted another blanket?) Also, since they are a little older than our girls, there's a lot of tattling going on. I taught 1st grade for 2 years and absolutely detest tattling. It's grates on my nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard.

I don't want you to think I'm complaining; we're very glad to have the girls with us and know that God will sustain us. I want to record these hard times, though, because, hopefully, in a few months, I'll be able to look back and see how far we've come. (Wow, that's a lot of commas in one sentence.) I will say though, that the things I thought would be harder (the general caretaking, for example) are barely noticable and the things I didn't think about (such as the tattling) are the ones that I'm really struggling with. Please pray with me that Christ would give me patience and unconditional love for them and all my children. I want more than anything to glorify my Lord in every thing I say and do with them. Also, I'm having a harder time keeping up with daily cleaning. I'm barely keeping the dishes done and the laundry done and just get so stressed when I step on crumbs or see dust. (Whitney, I know you're laughing because you think I like mess; it's not true- I've just never liked cleaning very much! I love the way I feel after I clean, though :).) It stresses me out and makes me feel really grumpy. Pray that God would help me to be diligent with the time I have, and not to fret when I'm diligent and still can't keep everything caught up. I know that the most important thing is to spend my time training my children and nurturing them in Christ's love, but it's so hard to remember that when I look around and think of all the world says I should be doing!

Last, I wanted to let my sweet sisters in Christ know that my husband's little sister, Bethanie, sneaked out of her home last night. (She's 15 years old.) I won't go into detail, but her home life is not an ideal one, to say the least. She's home now, but is far from "safe." She needs Jesus, but thinks she's a Christian. Please pray for us as we struggle to love her and support her, while not supporting her choices. Also, pray as we navigate the thin line between being honest with her and being respectful of her mom's place in her life. (James' step-mother) Although her mom asked for privacy, I'm asking you for prayer because I know that she desperately needs it. Praise the Lord that He is a God of miracles, because it will be a miracle for her to turn her life around.

Thank you for loving me and praying for us through these huge changes in our life. I don't know when I'll have time to write like this for long, but you guys keep writing! It's a joy to read what's happening in your lives when I get a minute or two; makes me feel a little connected to the outside world! Have a wonderful week!

Will I ever sit down again? :)

2009-06-05T10:32:00.001-04:00

Let me tell you, 6 children is a lot more than 4! I only have a few seconds until someone says, "Mommy!" or "Mrs. Kate!" so I have to hurry! Just wanted to let you all know that we're doing fine- having some trouble with sleeping all in the same room, though, so please let me know if you have any wisdom about that. Other than that, we're just very busy making it through each part of the day. James is working today, but will be home about 3, praise the Lord! Also, pray for wisdom for us and peace and calmness for the children as we again attempt to make it through church tomorrow. Last time I barely got any of the sermon, and I was trying so hard! The children are all doing better than expected, though, so that's a blessing. I'm doing well, but am having a hard time without a nap! Praise the Lord for instant french vanilla cappucino- not the best for the baby, but better than an exhausted mommy! Who has time to actually make coffee? I love you all and am so thankful for your love and prayers!

... and a busy day

2009-06-03T15:52:00.003-04:00

This morning I had an appointment with my OB. I'm almost 16 weeks and feel really good this morning. Unfortunately, my blood test came back negative, which means there's no known cause for my preeclamptic symptoms. With no cause, there's no treatment. However, the test for Down's came back negative, which was a bfessing. (We choose to find out so we'll be prepared in case of special needs, not so that we could choose to end our baby's life.) Today I gave blood for the Spina Bifida test. I have an appointment for an ultrasound in 2 weeks, another appointment with Dr. Davis in 4 weeks, and an appointment with the wonderful specialists at Maternal-Fetal Medicine in 5 weeks. (I had a good time talking with one of the specialists when I was in the hospital on bedrest with Evan; he'd like to adopt :). Maybe I can work on getting him moving towards that :).) They'll check the baby and begin to monitor lung development in case early birth is necessary. (We're praying, however, for God's healing and protection. However, if He chooses to let history repeat itself, than we trust His goodness and sovreignty.) It was nice to go because James was off and could come. This may be the only appointment he'll be able to come to until it's time for Matthew to come. The children were pretty well-behaved, though Naaman was a bit fussy; he's gotten used to taking long morning naps with being sick. I think he wanted his bed!

On the way home from the doctor, I spoke with our caseworker on the phone. The boys' grandfather did in fact get custody of them, pending a clean drug screen. They should be moving tomorrow and the girls will come to be a part of our family, Lord willing. I'll admit that I'm getting nervous- this is a huge committment, but one that I know my Father will equip me to make and keep. I'm still praying that God would put a roadblock in the way if we're not meant to have the girls. (This morning I felt a little like Jesus asking for this cup to be passed from Him- not that my giving my life for these girls is anything like Him giving His for us.) It's amazing how we can be so excited at the same time as we're nervous about the unknown. Many moms have had more children than this, though, so I know I can do it.

James is out getting materials to fix our new van as I write. (Michelle- I wanted to call you and tell you but it's been too crazy... thanks for your help, though. And, yes, I'm a frequent visitor of Southern Savers and am working with a friend who is a couponing queen to learn my way around CVS, etc.) We were able to get a 1998 15-passenger van within our budget. God is so good! Everytime I look out the window I a) Panic a little- thinking, how in the world did we get to where we need a 15-passenger van? and b) Just praise the Lord because He has shown us, once again, how He provides when He calls us to do something. It does have some chunks, however, out of the upholstery, so James is going to fill them with foam and duct tape, then we're hoping to find cheap bench seat covers to protect them from any more damage. (We've always thought it was wiser to put our money toward good mechanics rather than looks; despite the seats and some other cosmetic issues, this van only has 85,000 miles on it! That's 50,000 less than our van now, which is a 2000 Astro. We've decided to let James keep the Astro and sell his truck, since the Astro is in better condition and he can still take the seats out to "haul stuff" if he needs to. I feel bad though, because I think he's felt manly having that truck :).

Well, my nose is telling me that someone made a present for me- I think it's Evan. If I'm right, this is number 2 for the day- I try to tell him that once is plenty, but he just likes giving me gifts! What can I say... I'm loved!

Busy Weekend

2009-06-01T07:09:00.004-04:00

We picked Mayce and Angel up from the Children's Home on Saturday afternoon. They were as thrilled to see us as we were to see them! We went straight to my parents' house to swim.... boy, was that an experience! My grandparents were outside sitting in the shade, so Granmur fed Naaman his bottle for me while we swam. Considering the fact that there were 4 adults in the water and 5 children, we still felt way out-numbered! It was exhausting! Mayce and Angel seemed to like my parents, but every once in awhile they would want to make sure they were near us. Gabi was watching everything very carefully- it's one thing to share her toys; it's quite another to share her Lollie and Pop! Sarah and Evan didn't really seem any different- Sarah learned how to jump into the water into Lollie's arms and Evan kept choking because he wanted to lean over and drink the water! We swam for about an hour and a half, then got everybody dried off and dressed.

After we got everybody squeezed into the van, we went to Bi-Lo so I could run in and get groceries. Then we picked up pizza from Little Caesar's. We went home and James brought all the children in while I ran in to start cutting apart pizza and putting it on plates to cool. We ate pizza and peaches- our grocery bill will never be the same again; those girls are good eaters! Then everybody shared cookies that Pop had given Gabi earlier. I gave everybody baths and James dressed them as they got out. I love being a team! Then I sprayed hair with detangler (thanks, Kelly!) and brushed tangles out. James and I cleaned up the kitchen and dining room while everyone played. There was quite a bit of arguing- I guess it will be a job to train them since we'll have 4 girls all within less than 2 years apart.

Bedtime was a little rough. Mayce and Angel were a little restless from being in a new place. Gabi and Sarah were too interested in watching Mayce and Angel to settle down. It took about an hour and a half for everyone to go to sleep. I'm sure that will improve with time, though. James and Idid a quick-clean of the house and fell asleep as soon as our heads hit our pillows!

We were surprised when the children woke up at 8:15! Very, very unusual for our house! Unfortunately, since we hadn't set an alarm, we were running a little late. We didn't have to leave for church until 10, but we had a lot to do! I made muffins and the children ate breakfast while I jumped in the shower. Then James got a shower while I started dressing everybody. He was out and dressed in time to help me finish up the boys. Then, he loaded everybody in the van while I threw on my church clothes. We were only 8 minutes late leaving! Not bad for a first try!

Church was wonderful- Mayce and Angel had a hard time making it through the service, but it ran a little bit over an hour and a half, so I'm glad they did as well as they did. Our church family was so supportive of us prayed for us as we make this decision.

After church we went home and ate sandwiches, chips, and mandarin oranges. Not gourmet, I know, but we didn't get home until almost 1:30, so everyone was really hungry. The big girls settled down with books while Evan and Naaman took naps. (I tried to get Sarah to lay down with me, but she wouldn't have it.) We made deviled eggs and James grilled hot dogs, which we took over to my parents' house for my dad's birthday. The children played outside before and after dinner. By this time, they were getting better and better at getting along.

We left right before 7 to run home and pick up the girls things, then took them back to the children's home. James stayed in the car with the children while I took the girls inside. It was awful! Angel was fine, but Mayce cried and cried and said, "Why can't I stay with you?" and "Why can't I sleep in my bed at your house?" I had a hard time not grabbing her up and running out the door.

Overall, it was a good weekend. It will definitely take some major adjusting, but I know that God's grace will be sufficient for us. This morning our caseworker is going to court so the judge can make decisions on the childrens' placements. I'm praying that, if God doesn't want us to have these precious girls, that He would do something to prevent it from being possible. There is no way that I could say, "no" to these girls unless He makes it very clear that it's not His will. Please pray with me.

I don't know how many typos are in this- I'm trying to quickly finish it- I started it yesterday and couldn't get it all down! Sorry for the quick synopsis- I'll fill in more details later if I think of anything important. Have a wonderful week!

A List...

2009-05-29T16:37:00.003-04:00

My friend, Kelly, (Hi, Kelly!) asked that I put a list of things we need on my blog so that she could point friends and family to it that might want to help as we scramble to get ready for the girls. Please know that I am not putting this here so that people far away (Whitney) will feel like they need to box up their unused stuff to send to us. That would be silly to pay for shipping- although I've been grateful in the past when friends and family have done that. (I wear one of Melissa's maternity shirts every day... what did I wear before you mailed me those clothes?) So, anyhow, here's the list. I'll probably have to add to it as I think of things.

-2 toddler carseats (with 5-point harnesses)

-plastic cups, plates, and bowls for eating (I'm assuming they can eat with salad forks like my girls)

-Twin-sized sheets (thanks to Kelly, I have enough for one set for each bed. It would be nice to have a couple extra for accidents, though :). We really only need the bottom sheet because we don't use the top sheet, yet. A little trick I learned from another large family...)

-Mattress pads (either twin-sized, or the kind that just cover the area where their bottom would be located)

-Clothes, shoes, socks, etc... (I'm not sure what the girls will bring with them, yet. I do know, however, that when we took them to the zoo in 85 degree weather, they came dressed in long pants. I also know that Angel's shoes were a little snug. Also, Kelly has seen them twice at library story time and said that both times they were wearing the same outfit.)

-A bigger kiddie pool (we have the small plastic one, but it barely fits the 3 we already have- a bigger one would be nice if someone has one they aren't using. It still needs to be shallow, though.) I doubt they have swimsuits, either.

-Everyday "necessities" (toothbrushes, toothpaste, body wash, shampoo, detangler, etc... yes, we have some of this already. However, we'll have a tough first month as we're already on a tight budget and won't get any financial help with their needs until at least the middle of June, or later. No, we do not do this for the financial help- we get around $10 a day per child, then nothing after we adopt them. Anybody who has children knows that that will barely cover necessities and "surprise" costs.)

-A bigger van (anybody have on laying around? ha ha :). Actually, James is looking at one that I found yesterday as I write this. Please pray for wisdom as it's an older van. It always makes me nervous buying used cars! Also, pray that we'll be able to sell our Astro when it's time so we can make the money back and come out even.

Well, that's it for now. As you can see, some of the above it more "wants" than "needs" (like a bigger kiddie pool). Just thought I'd throw that in :). I'll add more as I think of it- it might be after they get here that I start realizing what we need.

Big Decisions...

2009-05-27T10:57:00.003-04:00

Tuesday night, James and I took the children to the foster parent's appreciation banquet. It was so nice to fellowship with other foster parents and the food was delicious. Even Naaman had some mashed potatoes and cool whip! (Not together, of course :).) Naaman's caseworker, who we love, told me that Naaman's family is going back to court on Tuesday. His brothers' grandfather (they had a different dad than Naaman) is probably going to get the boys. There are differing opinions about whether or not he is a suitable caregiver, but I've never met him, so I can't really say. We've been praying for this situation for awhile, though, so we have to trust that the Lord is in control and will be with them no matter what. That leaves the girls, who are 3 and 2 years old. Apparently their great-uncle will be in court, also, trying to gain custody of them and our Naaman. Thankfully, the caseworker and her supervisor are fairly sure that won't happen. The children lived with him for a little while back in September and some things happened that should prevent him from getting the children. That said, the boys will be moved, most likely, on June 5th. The girls have to be moved by June 4th because they've been in the children's home the maximum time allowed. There is no one else for them to go to. No one but us. James and I have thought and prayed about taking them. Our biggest concern was the boys, but now that they will be with their grandfather, that is settled. Also, we need 2 more mattresses, a trundle bed (for under a daybed we already have), bedding, 2 carseats, etc. We're not too concerned about that, however, because God has always provided and we trust that He will continue to. The toughest thing to trust about is the fact that our van seats 6 children in the back (plus James and I in the front.) This will be fine for now, but when Matthew comes in November, we'll need a bigger van. (I guess a 12-passenger? Is that the next-biggest size?) Even a used one is more that we can afford, and of course we can sell our van to help pay for it, but it won't be enough. Also, we can't really sell our van until we have another van because James has a small truck, so we won't have a way to get to church, appointments, etc. Also, having 6 children so young will be tough with my prenatal appointments and the childrens' appointments. I spoke with the caseworker about that and she said the girls could go to a daycare while I had appointments. I really, really, don't want to do that, but there may be no other way. I just want to make sure that they can go only when I have an appointment (or if I'm put on bed rest) and not have to go every day. We know it's not what's best for them and we also want to guard what is brought into our home as far as language and attitudes. I was thinking yesterday about how just recently we got to the point that we get to after about 6 months of having a new child in our home. Everything finally feels "settled," we have a pretty set routine, we know what to expect from everyone, etc. My selfish flesh didn't want to have to go through a big adjustment again. But then I thought about all the verses in the Bible that talk about being unselfish and serving others before yourself. God didn't say, "Take care of orphans in distress... if it's convenient for you." He didn't say, "Love your neighbor as yourself... as long as you're needs are taken care of first." Of course, we did think about our children's well-being before we made a decision, but we know our children. They love every child we bring in our home. Having a large family is helping them learn to get along with others, resolve conflict Biblically, and think of others' before themselves. So, the decision is made. As long as DSS chooses to put these precious girls in our home, we will open our hearts and arms to them. I'll let you know what happens!

Playing Hookie...

2009-05-24T15:49:00.002-04:00

Today we "played hookie" from church. Yesterday around lunchtime we realized that Naaman felt really warm. We took his temp and it was 101.7- pretty high for such a little guy with no other symptoms except for excessive fussiness. I would have chalked it up to teething (though most doctors would disagree with me) except for that's pretty high for teething. We gave him ibuprofen and it went down. He had a fussy night and woke with a fever of 100.8- better but still not great. Still no other symptoms. By naptime, when it neared time for more medicine, he was warm again. Everyone just woke up from nap and Sarah had a temperature of 102.8. Okay, so not teething. I figured. Poor baby- you can tell she doesn't feel well. It's just so strange... we almost never (in our family) get viruses without other symptoms- usually tummy stuff. Is it on it's way? I sure hope not. Vomit and small children are not a fun combination. Oh well, for now there's really nothing to do except administer ibuprofen and acetaminophen, give cool baths, snuggle lots, and wait it out. As long as it's controllable there's no reason to go spend a perfectly good rainy Sunday in the ER. Gabi wanted Tylenol, too, and James said she couldn't have any because she doesn't have a fever. I said, "Don't worry, Gabs, you will." I would be shocked if not. I'm so thankful in this, though, that Daddy has tomorrow off and we can spend the day playing hospital together. (Plus, my pregnant tummy probably can't handle much of anyone else's vomit if that comes! :))

Happy Birthday, Sarah Laine!

2009-05-23T07:18:00.002-04:00

Wow! I can't believe that our Sarah is 2 years old today! Two years ago today, we had no idea that our lives were about to change. We had only had Gabi for awhile. After losing our Vanessa, we needed a break from the emotional roller coaster called foster care. Earlier in the spring, however, DSS called. They begged us to take 2 brothers, ages 6 months and 18 months. We hadn't planned to take any more children until the school year was over since I was still teaching 1st grade. We agreed, however, because we wanted to help. So we had these two boys along with Gabi, who was about 9 months old. The very next day, Sarah (from DSS) called again. She said she had a 2-year old boy that she needed to place. I say, "You're kidding, right?" She said, "Kate, I never kid about these things!" So, we opened our home to John. I told Sarah that we would help them out but that we wanted another newborn that summer. (Gabi would be 1 and we loved her so much that we wanted to do it all again, from the beginning.) She laughed and agreed :). For the next 4 months, we constantly had 4 children under 2 years old in our home at all times. I'm not sure the exact number, but somewhere around 12 or 13 children came in and out of our home. We loved them all and were sad when they left, but it was a time in our life when we were able to be a "revolving door" and we've never regretted it.

Finally, in late May, we got a phone call that they had a newborn in the hospital for us. However, since we already had 4 under 2 and were doing respite for another foster family on vacation, we couldn't get the baby right away. (They won't let you have more than 5 in your home at a time.) So we agreed, but they found someone else willing to watch the baby for a week while we waited for the baby we were doing respite for to go home to her foster family. A few hours later, we got a text that said, "It's a boy!" We were thrilled and started talking about boys' names. About an hour after that, we got a picture text with a picture of a sweet baby that said, "Whoops, it's a girl!" Apparently the hospital social worker had told DSS that it was a boy accidentally! We joke about that to this day!

Another foster mom was willing to keep Sarah for us until I finished school the next week. However, the family was very strange and we went to pick Sarah up for a visit the next Sunday and she wasn't buckled into her carseat. The mother had sounded like she had been drinking on the phone earlier when I called to confirm, so I told James we couldn't take her back there. We called DSS and told them we weren't taking her back. We were blessed that a foster mom friend of ours was willing to keep her during the day for us while I finished my last 3 days of school. I got up early and drove our little Sarah 30 minutes to her house, then went back 45 minutes to school. It was tough, but so worth it. Our Gabi had a little sister!

Well, I guess the rest is history. We're still waiting on Sarah's adoption to be finalized, but it could be any day now. Her mother chose to go to DSS when Sarah was about a year old and ask to relinquish her rights. It's a strong woman who can choose the best for her baby even when it hurts. Sarah has a biological half-brother named Zaine who is being adopted by another family. He is 3 years old and they have met several times. We'll continue to stay in contact as they grow older so that they can have a relationship if they choose.

And that's the short version! We are so blessed to have our sweet Sarah in our lives. Although she's fiesty and is going through a "too big for her britches" stage, we wouldn't trade her for the world. We've been blessed to have had her for two whole years, and pray that God would grant us many more!

Family Worship, Clapping, and Catechism

2009-05-21T19:01:00.002-04:00

For awhile now (months) we have tried to implement a family worship time each evening after dinner. We'd try it for a couple of nights, no more than a week, then give up. I think we felt like we weren't going anywhere and didn't feel like we were doing it "right." (As if there's a "right" way to worship...) So anyhow, last Friday when James and I went on our date we went to the Christian book store and found a wonderful books called, The Family Worship Book. It outlines why family worship is important, give examples of how to go about implementing it, and then gives you resources to get started. These include a 3-year outline to read the whole Bible, key verses and passages that are worthwhile to begin your memorization with, Psalms and hymns, and 2 versions of catechisms.

Well, finally, after coming upon this treasury of resources, we sat down and laid out what we felt was important to include in our family worship time. After the first time, we cut it back some more :). Our hope is that as we continue, our children will eventually be able to make it though 20-30 minutes. (Right now we're finished in about 10-15.) This is a basic outline of what we do:

1. Call to Worship (James reads a verse that glorifies God by naming some of His attributes)
2. Songs (1 or 2 praise songs or hymns and a children's Bible song)
3. Bible reading (we're working our way through Genesis- after trying a whole chapter, we're down to just a few verses a night.)
4. Prayer (sometimes the Lord's Prayer, then James prays for our family and the needs of others)
5. Aaronic Benediction (The Lord bless you and keep you...)
6. Gabi and Sarah's catechism practice

It's been such a blessing for our family to have time together where we're focusing on worshipping the Lord and obeying His commands to teach our children about Him. Some wonderful, cute, and funny things have happened along the way, too. Here's a few of my favorite:

-Gabi knows her first 3 catechisms. 1) Who made you? (God) 2) What else did God make? (God made all things) and 3) Why did God make you and all things? (For His own glory)- she's really cute saying this one. Well, on the 2nd or 3rd night of doing this, James read the verse where God created trees. To try to keep her engaged, I said, "Wow Gabi, God made trees! What else did He make?" (thinking she would say "animals" or something) She said, "God made ALL things!" It was such a blessing to know that what we are teaching her is "sticking." Our hope is that these things will truly be "written on the tablet" of our children's hearts.

-Tonight, we were singing "God is Good" by Don Moen. Out of the blue, Evan started clapping! (No, he has never clapped and he is 15 months old!) But, true to Evan's MO, he's been watching all this time and just decided to start clapping like a pro! It was precious- we had to sing an extra song just to enjoy watching him!

-And then, in true Sarah (and all McKinney kids) fashion, as James finishes reading the Bible and gets ready to pray, I turn and see Sarah standing in her chair, hands on the table, bent over, grunting. She looks at me and says, "I make a poopie." in a grunting voice. I said, "uh, Babe, we might need to wait for a second before we pray because Sarah's not sitting on her bottom and I don't think she can right now!" It was so gross and so funny and so cute all at the same time. My children are great at picking perfect moments to move their bowels!

Well, that's all for now. I told James I had to write everything before I forgot it, but we need to get the bedtime routine started. I hope you and your family have a wonderful night, too!

Pictures :)

2009-05-20T10:45:00.005-04:00

Okay, so my sweet children are playing outside and I, thanks to the joys of wireless internet, am sitting in a comfy chair in the sunshine watching them. I finally took pictures of our family closet and my beautiful new sewing machine. The quality is okay, but I used my cell phone instead of the camera because I was in a rush before Gabi's EI got here.

My new friend! Isn't it be-u-ti-ful??? :)

These drawers are right beside the actual closet. They house the childrens' underthings, jammies, shorts and bottoms, and swimsuits. The one on the far left has preemie to boys' 3 month clothes, ready to wash for Matthew Scott.

I have one of those closet-doubling bars that is perfect for the children's hanging clothes. The boys are on top (Evan has white hangers and Naaman has blue) and the girls are on the bottom (Gabi has purple hangers and Sarah has pink). My theory was that soon the girls will be able to go get their own clothes without wrecking the closet, so I wanted their clothes at their level. Are boys ever to be trusted with keeping something tidy? :) My clothes are to the left and James' are to the right. For now, our underthings and jammies are still in our room, but it'd be nice to one day have them all together.

Well, there you have it. It's been such a help because I take the laundry out of the dryer and it all goes in the same place (except for the linens and some of our clothes.) I've been doing much better at getting it folded and put away or hung up right away- I hope it lasts!

I am so blessed!

2009-05-19T19:28:00.002-04:00

Before I write this post, I have to say that I have always known I was blessed with my husband, James. From the very moment we met, our hearts seemed knit together by God. He is everything I ever asked for, hoped for, and wanted, plus so much that I wasn't wise enough to know that I needed! However, today he blew me away with his Godliness, thoughtfulness, and just plain love for me.

It began around 11am when I realized that he had left a note for me on our white board. (We used to do this often, then got out of habit when we moved to the new house.) It said (pretty much), "My Kate, I love you so much and miss you and the kids. Have a wonderful day rejoicing in the Lord!" How precious is that? My sweet husband is seeking God and His will for our family daily, which is no simple task for him as he was not raised in a Christian home.

Earlier this afternoon, we were blessed for James to get home about 3 hours early from work. He had training and was able to come home when it was finished. I knew he was taking a long time getting home, but I didn't question it because he was an hour away and had an awful headache, so I thought he might be going slowly. When he came in, he had a bag with a prescription in it that I had asked him to pick up. After he handed me the prescription, I noticed that something else was in the bag. (I was hoping it was something caffeinated because I had a headache, too!) I asked him what was in the bag and he said, "Something for you." I said, "What is it?" He said, "You have to open it to see." So, curious of course, I took the bag and it was an adorable pink and black sewing kit. I've wanted a sewing machine to learn on for awhile now and we couldn't get one, so I thought this was so sweet that he did what he could. I oohed and ahhed and, as I always do, asked how much it was. He said, "Not too much" as he went out the door. As I heard him come back in, I heard him say, "But this cost a little bit more." I looked up and he had a SEWING MACHINE! And not just any sewing machine, but one that was much better than the ones I had been looking at! When I later told him that I was just learning and could use a cheaper machine, he said, "Yeah, but this way when you get better we won't need to upgrade." How precious- he looked and debated and really thought this through. The best thing he said, after I stopped loving all over him and thanking him and crying a little was, "This way, one day, I can take the boys out to learn manly things and you can teach the girls to sew." It never ceases to amaze me that God is teaching us the same things- we're both learning how to "simply" love God and serve Him and have a desire to raise our children in "the nurture and admonition of the Lord." I'll post a picture of my precious gift later- I still need to post one of our family closet, too! It's finished and working wonderfully!

Modesty

2009-05-17T16:18:00.006-04:00

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gently and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." 1 Peter 3:3-5

I've been learning a lot about modesty lately. For some reason, I never really thought about it before. I guess because I was wearing the same kinds of clothes as other youth and young adults at my various churches and schools wore, I thought I was "okay." When we went to the Maxwell's conference in October, however, I really began to think about modesty and godliness. Then, a few months ago, I borrowed a booklet from a friend entitled, "Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America." It really showed me how even things that were supposed to be modest, like one-piece swimwear, were really designed specifically to accentuate curves and entice men. I think what really hit home was thinking about my children as they grow. What will my girls' clothing suggest to boys and men around them? What will go on in my boys' minds as they view friends (girls and women) around them? As brothers and sisters in Christ, it is our responsibility not only to guard our own hearts and minds, but to guard the hearts and minds of our brothers and sisters in Christ. I could go on about my personal conviction in this area, but suffice it to say that I have been guilty of putting on my clothes (more so in my single days) with thoughts of what guys would think. Would they want me? Was I sexy? Attractive? Desirable? With that in mind, James and I have had a difficult time this year deciding on modesty and swimming. The Maxwell's choose not to swim at all. If they go to the beach, they go in the winter when people are covered up. However, as of right now, James and I don't feel that all swimming is sinful. However, we do want to dress ourselves and our children modestly and keep them in places (such as my parent's pool) where we know that others will be relatively modest, as well. For this summer, we purchased rash-guard swimsuits for the girls and were blessed to be given one for Evan. They protect their sensitive skin from the sun while covering their body modestly. For me, we have hit a brick wall. We don't have the money, currently, to purchase a modest swimsuit. A friend of mine is letting me borrow her maternity swimsuit and, I'll be honest, I have been swimming in the children's pool with them on hot afternoons. It's a tankini, but it shows much more than I would like to show. Here's the exciting news: we are saving so that, by next summer, we can purchase attractive, modest swimsuits for the girls and I off of a website called Simply Modest at modestswimwearsolutions.com. They are fairly expensive, but you can choose to order the pattern and sew it yourself if you wish. (I want to learn to sew, but haven't yet- hopefully I'll have a machine to learn on by then. If not, I'll pay someone to make ours for us if we decide to get the patterns, which may be the most economical choice with growing children.) They're even going to have a maternity swimsuit and pattern available soon! I know you may read this and think I'm crazy. That's okay- it's a conviction that James and I have for our family. However, I would encourage you to research "Christian Modesty" on your own with an open heart. You never know where Christ will lead you!

With love,

Kate

Date Night :)

2009-05-16T08:30:00.002-04:00

Last night was so wonderful. "Wonderful" is not even enough to describe it. James and I needed some time together so badly. Time to finish our sentences and conversations without having to tend to our children. Time to rest and enjoy a whole meal without getting up once! Time to be able to shop without hurrying so we would be finished before the children got fidgety. It was incredible! My brother, Matt, picked me up and dropped me off at James' workplace- that was such a blessing because it wouldn't have been the same if James' and I had driven two cars. James took me out for a yummy dinner, and we even have leftovers, which will be yummy for lunch today. Then, we went to the Christian bookstore to get Sarah's birthday present. (Our little girl is turning 2 next Saturday!) We got her a 3-DVD set of Cedarmont Kids Bible Songs. We don't have tv, but with this pregnancy I've let the girls watch some movies that are edifying. They love the Cedarmont Kids because they love music and learning hand motions and love to watch real children singing and smiling. We also found an incredible book about Family Worship- we're so excited because we've been looking for a really detailed resource that was biblically based and not made up of "fluff." I'll put the author and title on my "favorite books" column to the left. Then, we went to Sam's Club to get a couple of things. It was nice to be able to "mosey" through the store. After that, James got us iced coffee at McDonald's because we had a BOGO coupon. (Big mistake for me- I woke up at 1:30 and couldn't get back to sleep for a long time- but it sure was yummy!) Last, we ran by Walgreens to get some medicine for Evan. He looks pitiful because a mosquito bit him right under the eye on Thursday evening and his eye is swollen halfway shut. It was a blessing to know that our children were in good hands and we didn't have to worry about them. I hope we can do this once a month- we're going to try to set the money aside in our budget so we can. We came home "fresh" parents, ready to see our sweet children and get back to the incredible task of parenting! Hope you had a good Friday night, too!

I Love Summer!

2009-05-15T07:29:00.004-04:00

Pop and Gabi grilling hot dogs

Christopher and Sarah eating lunch

Christopher climbing the rock wall - a 5th time!- so we could watch

Gabi "tending" to climb the rock wall (pretending)

Nafa getting some love from Ashley

If anybody were to ask me what my favorite season is, I'd undoubtedly say, "Fall." Second in line? "Spring." I like the mild weather and the way the trees change. However, there are some really great things about summer- one of my personal favorites: cookouts! I love grilled food (I'm big on grilled salmon and tilapia right now because of the pregnancy.) Yesterday, Pop had his annual cookout at the high school (where he teaches JROTC). We went around 11:15 and the best part was that, because Daddy had built up so much overtime, he got an extra half hour for lunch! So James was able to make the 25 minute drive and come join us! We saw "Aunt B" (James' sister Bethanie, who is in JROTC) and lots of cadets who know and love our children. We watched Christopher climb the rock wall and ate yummy hot dogs (the kids) and hamburgers (us). Yum! It's so special to be able to participate in things that Pop loves. I took some pictures, but please excuse the quality- I took them on my phone. Also, I took one of Aunt B and Evan, but it wasn't on my phone :(. So, yes, Ev was there, but unfortunately there's not picture of him :(. The other exciting news I have is that James and I are going on a date (ALONE!) tonight!!! Yay!!! It's been so long... we got a check we weren't expecting in the mail and decided to use it for a babysitter. So Ashley, the girl in the picture holding Nafa, is coming tonight to sit for us. She's very mature and respectful and held him the whole hour and a half we were there, even though it was very hot and he's very heavy. We're so excited!!!!

Joy and Sorrow

2009-05-13T17:31:00.003-04:00

I went for my first official prenatal checkup today and was very grateful that my mom and dad took care of my children for me. I learned a lot about my medical outlook that I needed to pay attention to. More excitingly, we learned that we're having a baby boy! Welcome to the world, Matthew Scott! (At least by name :)) Matthew looks good, but they did some bloodwork on me to find out if I have a genetic predisposition to severe preeclampsia. If it comes back positive (in 10 days to 2 weeks), then my doctor will put me on a blood thinner to help. Either way, I have a tough road ahead, as I'll be seeing the doctor every 3 weeks then, after 32 weeks (if I make it that far), twice a week for ultrasounds. There's also a possibility of bed rest, which I'm praying will not be needed. (It's tough to sit down in my home, much less lay in bed all day!) That's not why I'm sorrowful, though. I'm sorrowful because I just checked a friends blog and she had a video by John Piper posted. It makes me so sad that so many women are missing out on the precious gift of feeling a baby grow inside of them because they choose (and are allowed) to abort for different reasons. There is ABSOLUTELY no valid reason to abort. I've known several families who found out their babies had severe deformities or diseases and would not live more than a few hours or days after birth. Yet, with God as their comforter, they have enjoyed those few hours or days, been blessed to have known their children, and learned more and taught others in those circumstances than many people have a chance to in a lifetime. I could go on and on, but here's the video. May we be a people of prayer and action, as that is the only way to have hope of changing our world for Christ.

A Miracle...

2009-05-13T07:29:00.004-04:00

Pop and his girls at Gabi's adoption celebration

Sarah on Christmas morning 2008

Naaman as a newborn in his moses basket

Evan eating his firetruck cake on his 1st birthday

A few weeks ago, Gabi climbed on a piece of furniture in our family room. Now, the climbing itself is nothing extraordinary- we have two gates (one above the other) at our kitchen door and this is the monkey who has learned to scale them both and climb over. (at a height of about 7 feet) No, the disturbing thing was that I was in the kitchen when this happened. And sweet Gabi, also our little electronics-lover, got a hold of my camera. My camera that still had pictures on it. My camera that still had about 300 pictures on it, including Naaman's newborn pictures, Christmas pictures, ADOPTION PICTURES, Evan's first birthday, etc. I was mortified, stunned, and incredibly sorrowful. Thankfully, I happened to mention it to Gabi's EI, who told me about a place nearby that might be able to recover them. I was scared to be hopeful. But, James dropped the memory card off on Friday and voila! On Saturday afternoon we had a phone call that they had a disk for me full of pictures! All for the very small price of $25, which was well worth it. So he picked up the disk at lunch yesterday and last night I enjoyed the gift of being able to scroll through these pictures and enjoy the memories. Would I still have the memories without the pictures? Sure. But, as "they" say: A picture is worth a thousand words. And you know what? "They" are right! Above are some particularly special pictures that I am so grateful to have back.

Our Family Closet...

2009-05-12T17:39:00.002-04:00

When we first moved into this incredible, wonderful, fantastic, ROOMY home, I was so excited. (I still get excited some days!) It was such a stress-free move because about 10 men and a couple wives from our precious church came to help us move. Then, after moving our stuff, they put up cribs, hung pictures, put away clothes and dishes, etc. One of the things that I wanted was to have a laundry organizing place in our kitchen. (Our washer and dryer are in the kitchen)We have a huge wall that was perfect. The men put up huge wire shelves (that are great because they don't collect dust AND they have little rods where I can keep hangers and hang clothes as I put them on hangers. Originally, I had a basket for boys clothes, a basket for girls clothes, a basket for James' and my clothes, and a basket for linens and towels. I put the dirty stuff in their respective basket so it was easy to wash. It also made putting things away easier because, as I pulled them out of the dryer, they were already sorted as to where they needed to go. The one problem was that there were many days that I didn't have a full load, so I'd either wait, in which case I'd have days with at least 4 loads of laundry, or I would combine loads, which forced me to sort anyhow.

So, today, I changed my system. Under the shelves, I have a table that I use to fold laundry on. I put 3 baskets for dirty items under this table. One for towels and linens, one for lights, and one for darks. I think it'll work much better. Then, I cleaned out the square laundry baskets and am using them as a "family closet" for the kids' clothes. If you've never heard of this, I'd encourage you to google it. We've been using this in some form for over 2 years now and love it! I have a basket for each child's pjs, outfits (mostly bottoms and play clothes), panties, and socks. (They don't each have their own basket for each- they share some but I'll fill you in on that later.) Then, all their hanging clothes (i.e. shirts and church clothes) go in our closet in the dining room along with our hanging clothes. This way, all the clothes are either in the "family closet" or our closet. We still have our pjs and underthings in our drawers in our bedroom, but one day I may change that if I have money to purchase I better storage system. It's such a time saver because I can take the clothes right out of the dryer and put them right where they belong. I'm so excited about James getting home in a few minutes- he's going to love it, too! He's bringing our camera home today so, in the next few days, I'll take some pictures so you can love it along with me! (If you don't feel free to keep your comments to yourself :).)

On a more positive note...

2009-05-08T12:37:00.003-04:00

Okay, now that I've had some lunch and my sweet friend prayed with me on the phone, I'm feeling more positive about the day. I forgot to mention that I felt our precious baby wiggling around for the first time last night. It was amazing, and at only 12 weeks! I was sitting in a very weird position in the rocking chair in the girls' room playing "referree" while they went to sleep. It felt like he/she was kicking me over and over again. It went on for more than a half hour, even after I had moved to the living room and changed positions. I think I felt it so soon this time because I recognized it when I felt it instead of thinking I must be wrong and blaming it on "gas" or something. It was amazing- does this mean he/she is going to be another wild monkey?

Also, my sweet husband took our memory card to the photography store today to see if they can recover our hundreds of lost pictures. (Due to a certain almost-3-year old deleting them) The guy said he'll call be 2pm tomorrow and that, 80% of the time, they can recover them. I'm hopeful!

I've decided...

2009-05-08T11:19:00.002-04:00

I've decided what I want for Mother's Day. No, not a massage (although that would be heavenly) or a pedicure (although my feet could use it- they're tough enough to walk on nails, I think). I don't want a day out or a new outfit or a dinner at my favorite restaurant. No, I want something simple (and complex). I want a day where I don't have to deal with anybody's waste but my own. Already today (at 11:21am EST) I've changed 3 poopie diapers (one of which was "explosive" so it had to be followed by a "get the poopie off" bath. (Lest you think I'm nearly finished since I only have 4 children, I have to say that I changed 8 total on Wednesday and 7 yesterday. (And that's not counting the couple James did when he got home.) Also, I've cleaned up 2 tt accidents (that were accidental out of laziness/preoccupiedness-if that's a word) and a dog-diarrhea accident which was spread over 4 areas on the new carpet in our playroom. I've cleaned 4 mouths and wiped countless drool off my teething 5-month old's chin. Oh, and I have a shoe waiting for me that apparently stepped in dog poo last night when we were playing outside. Don't get me wrong- I love being a mom. And, honestly, poop and pee and changing diapers has never bothered me much before. But for some reason, this week has been my turning point. Being thankful that my children are "regular" and "healthy" is no longer getting me through it. I would love your input- is anybody else as sick of touching other people's (or animals) bodily waste as I am? How to you stay positive and keep your mind on Godly things when you just want to scream "STOP POOPING! ENOUGH!" Maybe next week will be better. James has a 3 day weekend and, hopefully, will be home enough to share in the load. Unfortunately, there's a lot he needs to get done, like get new tires for the Jetta, change the oil in 2 of our vehicles, go to the dentist, help the men clean the church, etc. I'm afraid it will be a rough weekend, especially for the girls, who really need him to "be here" when he's home. Ahh, well, enough for my complaining. I love my family and would change a billion more poopie diapers to be with them. I just wish they could limit them to 1 per child, per day. Wishful thinking, eh? I don't think I'll get my Mother's Day wish, but at least I can close my eyes and enjoy the dream. Well, I need to go get the baby up- little stinker, he probably has a poopie waiting for me! :)

"Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on..."

2009-05-02T08:45:00.002-04:00

It's been a tough week in our home. Actually, "tough" doesn't even begin to describe it. Without giving details there's just no way possible to express what pain we have been in. It's nothing about James and I and our children- it's something that happened with our extended family that shook us to the very root of who we are. I'm still not feeling up to blogging; it seems so silly and trivial compared to what we have been experiencing. And yet, as the song says, life does go on. So, because this is my only written record of my children's lives, I have to make myself post.

First, Evan said "baby" on Thursday. It's his first word other than, "mamamamama," which I don't even know counts as a word since he uses it to get my attention whenever he needs/wants something. He was trying to play with Naaman, and I kept repeating "baby." He walked away and, a minute or two later, sauntered back over. He touched Naaman's head and said, "Day-dy." I was so impressed but, like any good boy, he refuses to do it again. Little booger.

Second, Naaman had his first solid food yesterday. I had tried rice cereal around 4 months and he wouldn't have it- not enough flavor I guess. So, yesterday, I mushed up a half of a banana and he loved it! He swallowed it like he had been eating forever. He's such a chunky baby anyway- I call him "Jumbo" (lovingly, of course). He only woke up once last night, so maybe his problem has been that he is just one of those babies that needs more. If it'll get him sleeping through the night, then I'm willing to oblige.

Speaking of Jumbo, he's fussing. From the smell of things, I think he has a gift for me to open. If you will, please pray for my family. Even though you don't know details, God does. Prayer works, and we need it. Thanks.

Mail makes me happy :)

2009-04-28T16:10:00.002-04:00

Yay! I'm so excited! Last week James got online and ordered 2 new cds for us from titus2.com. We went to a conference last October which was led by the authors of the site, and it was wonderful! We learned so much about how God wants us to parent our children. Well, sometime right after the conference, we ordered a cd from the site by Dr. Davis titled, "God's Viewpoint on Having Babies." I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. Dr. Davis doesn't necessarily encourage Christians to have 20 children- although neither does he discourage it. (I think it's interesting that he and his wife "only" have 4 children.) He does, however, speak about how God views children as a blessing, a heritage, and weapons to fight spiritual warfare. We highly recommend it to anyone in their childbearing years.

Anyhow, this time we ordered 2 cds, one by Dr. Davis and one by the Maxwells. They both deal with anger. (Freedom from the Spirit of Anger and Anger- Relationship Poison) I told you in an earlier post about how I was dealing with this. Well, since starting to go to the gym Monday through Thursday, I have been doing much better. It's a little frustrating because with my pregnancy and history of preeclampsia I'm really not supposed to work out at all, but my doctor and midwife said it was okay as long as I walk very slowly and make sure to replace the calories I'm eating so as not to deprive the baby or my body of nutrients. I'm not going today, however, because yesterday I was very swollen in my face when I came home and it scared James. He really doesn't want me working out at all, but he's willing to let me try for now. It will work out well for today, anyhow, as we have a 2-hour foster parent meeting at 6. Going to the gym first would be a very long night out for the children, especially the boys.

Anyhow (again), I can hardly wait for James to get home to listen to the cds. I'm so ready for Biblical wisdom for dealing with this issue. I'm kind of tired of hearing "it's normal" and "you just need some "me" time. I just don't see that anywhere in God's Word. I know He will give me wisdom and understanding and the ability and strength to fight this battle. I'll let you know what I learn!

What's in a name?

2009-04-23T17:14:00.005-04:00

So, the big question lately around our house has been what to name the new baby. I know I'm only 10 weeks along, but we like to choose a name whenever we find one that just "fits" so that, as soon as we know the gender, we can start calling the baby by his/her name. To give you some background, here are our other children's names and the reason's we chose their names:

Gabriella Joy (Gabi): Gabi's birthmother chose Gabrielle for her middle name, so we kept it for a first name, only we changed it to Gabriella. Gabriella is the feminine form of Gabriel, which means "God is my strength." Joy is my middle name, and we wanted her to have something special from me. I think part of that was also because people who have never fostered/adopted seem to think that you feel differently about foster/adopted children than you do your biological children. That is so untrue, and I guess we wanted to make a statement. Also, even as a newborn, she brought us great "Joy" as she was the first foster child we got "together" (when we were engaged) and our eldest daughter. The baby name website says that "Joy" means "happiness," but as Christians we know that joy is very different from happiness. It's having an inner peace and contentment even when you may be sad or angry, etc. You don't have to be happy to have joy.

Sarah Laine: Sarah is also (almost) adopted, but the name her mother chose was, um, unusual to say the least and definitely did not fit the beautiful baby girl we were looking at. Since we knew immediately that Sarah would be free for adoption, we chose to change her name immediately. We named her "Sarah" after my mom (whose name is Sarah Suzanne, though she goes by Suzanne.) We also wanted to reference our foster parent licensing worker, Sarah Brown, who was such an instrumental part of making our experience with foster care a positive one. I think who you work with can make you love it or hate it. The name "Sarah" means "princess." (It totally suits her!) We named her "Laine" after one of my dearest friends, Elaine King. She worked at the college I went to and we became close friends- she was almost like an aunt/grandmother figure to me. Even though we now live over an hour away from the Kings, we still see them often and they truly love our children for who they are. The name "Laine" means "dweller" in a lane, which is ironic because right now we live on an alley :).

Evan James: We chose "Evan" simply because we liked the name. It's funny how that name was never on my "list" (you know what I'm talking about, ladies!) of baby names. It just seemed to fit him, even while he was still in utero. The name "Evan" means "God is good." James, of course, was for his daddy. Both James and his father were named James Franklin, but we didn't like any of the shortened versions of those names! (Jim, Jimmy, Jamie, Frank, Frankie, etc.) So we chose to carry on the tradition with James as his middle name. The name "James" means "supplanter."

Nathan Randall: We're still having a hard time deciding whether to call Nathan his real name, which is "Naaman." We've been calling him "Nathan" since we got him because we knew he would be free for adoption eventually. The problem is, he has siblings. Although they will be adopted (we pray) by other families, they will still see him, and they know him as Naaman. It's a dilemma for sure. Let us know what you think if you have an opinion. He currently has a different middle name, but when we adopt him we will change it to "Randall" after my dad, Randall Leon. (I've already had a pet rat named "Leon," so that won't do!) The name "Nathan" means "God has given" and "Naaman" means "pleasant." "Randall" is a form of "Randolph" and means "shield wolf."

And now... drumroll please... for the new baby's name:

If he is a boy, we have chosen Matthew Scott. Matthew after my oldest younger brother, Matthew Randall and Scott after my youngest brother, Christopher Scott. The name "Matthew" means "gift of God" and Scott means "painted warrior."

If she is a girl, we have chosen Hannah Whitney. Hannah after James' mom, Joyce Ann (Hannah is derived from Anne) and Whitney after my sister, Whitney Suzanne. "Hannah" means "grace" or "favor" and Whitney means "white island." (Sorry, Whit, but I have to say it... so that's why you don't tan... :))

Aren't they lovely names? I hope it's not twins, because then we'll be in trouble. I think for twin boys the second name would definitely be Andrew-something after my Uncle Andy. Andrew means "warrior." If we had a second girl- I have no clue. We try, as you can see, to choose names of people that we love and respect, who mean something to us and have qualities that we would want our children to develop. We also always check the name meanings to make sure that they are in line with our beliefs.

Well, we're excited and ready to find out the gender! Let us know what you think of our chosen names! (As long as you like them- if you don't, you can just keep it inside :))

Conviction stings...

2009-04-22T14:18:00.002-04:00

Well, I just read my sister's post (you can read it by looking at my blog list) and was convicted. It's kind of funny how one little sentence that really isn't the point of her whole post can convict me so greatly. She mentions how she hates it when people complain their whole way through their pregnancy when they should, pretty much, learn to deal with it and be joyful for the sweet life growing within them. I hope she wasn't talking about me, but I was convicted because she could have been. I've probably talked about how tired I am this pregnancy about a billion times. I don't know why- talking about it isn't giving me more energy. Talking about it isn't inspiring my children to be sweet angels (ha ha, as if.). So, if you've had to listen to me talk about how tired I am this pregnancy, I apologize. I know that God gave us this precious life, and I want to enjoy him/her at all times, even before I meet him/her. (After all, if I can't make it through a little nausea and weariness, how will I make it through the toddler and teenage years, and everything in between?) That said, I have to confess someting else. Tonight James is going to cut his mom's grass as soon as he gets off work, and I've been really dreading it. I'm glad he can help her, but I feel really selfish because I want him home with me. I love seeing him pull up at the end of the day- I look forward to it from the time he leaves in the morning. As much as I love being home with my children, I just think the most fun part is taking care of them together- when we can laugh at their antics together and get frustrated together and love on them together. That said, I am purposing to change my attitude. James is ministering to his mom and grandma when he cuts their grass. He is getting much-needed exercise and stress relief and, yes, even quiet. (The lawnmower is quiet compared to our crew!) And I, in turn, have a chance to learn to put others first and myself second, not just in action, but with a joyful heart. Yes, I will still miss him. But I will "Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for (me) in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess. 5:16-18) And you, dear readers, have permission to fuss at me if my attitude is any less.

Is it over, yet?

2009-04-21T15:00:00.003-04:00

Well, mediation was a short affair. The problem is, they want money and we don't have any. Besides the fact that we don't feel like we owe them anything, we don't even have extra money to give them just to make this go away. The mediator was not a Christian man (he used ugly words in every other sentence) and appeared to be friends with the other lawyer. (That's fair, right?) After he told them that we're judgement-proof because we don't own anything, this is what they came back with: "But doesn't he (James) want to teach? We heard that if you're teaching and you get a judgement against you, you can get fired." I just don't get it. I don't understand why anybody, especially Christians, would try a threat like that. It's just so... mean. Anyhow, we were basically at a standstill. So the mediator, thankfully, didn't charge us for his time (he's a lawyer and it would have been a minimum of $75) and said he'll tell the judge. The judge's only choices, that I know of, are to either dismiss the case (which I doubt he'll do since he hasn't already) or give us a judgement. Our only hope, that we know of, is that he'll give us a judgement of less rather than more. We'll see. As icky as I feel inside knowing that it's not going to end in anybody's favor, we walked out of there knowing that we had acted as we felt the Lord calling us to act. In earlier parts of this case, before the economy was so awful, we actually had some money that we tried to offer them just to make it go away. It was their choice not to take it, and now they will be left with nothing except the satisfaction that they have ruined our credit for the next 10 years. (It's sad that such a thing would be satisfying.) The best part is that God saved us from being lumped with the millions of other people whose homes have been foreclosed upon. We may have bad credit, but we'll have it honestly!

He will NEVER let the righteous fall...

2009-04-20T09:12:00.004-04:00

I have sooo much that I need to be doing... seriously. But I had to write this to 1) ask for prayer and 2) try to lay down my worries and fears at the foot of my Savior. Tomorrow morning at 10 we are going to our second mediation in a case we have been undergoing for over 2 years. Another couple has filed a lawsuit against us for some choices we made when we almost bought their house. I'm sure your first thought is that we're young and naive and it's probably our fault. Well, we struggled with those same feelings, but the decisions we made were made with deep prayer and after asking for wisdom from other Christian friends of ours who are much older and wiser. That said, this couple claims to be believers. I'm not doubting that- I don't know them so I can't speak of any fruit or lack of fruit in their lives. However, the Bible clearly says that this is not the way to go about resolving conflict with other believers. I have struggled for 2 years to understand why they would pursue this, and continue pursuing it when we have absolutely nothing of value to give them. The very best they can get is a judgement against us, which would ruin our credit for 10 years, but do nothing for them. Anyhow, that's not why I'm writing. The reason I am writing is this: As the day gets closer and I pray more desperately to my Jesus for Him to be glorified in some way through this, I know two things. 1) Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall." I believe that, because we have prayerfully sought diligently after His will, we will not fall. We may "lose" in the world's eyes, but whatever happens WILL bring our Father glory. Whether it's by the way we behave or the words we use or whatever. 2) That there is a chance that our Father who loves us still might choose to soften their hearts. For 2 years, every time an envelope or package has come in the mail, my heart has skipped a beat as I dreamt that it might be something stating that they had decided not to pursue this anymore. Because they are believers, I trust that, if God chooses, He has the power to soften their hearts and maybe convict them for their wrongdoing. (I don't say this judgementally- He has certainly convicted us of the places we were at fault or listened unwisely to a non-Christian lawyer, or rushed into something that we should have considered with much, much more prayer. However, we have long repented of our part in this whole mess and we know that Christ's blood covers us and we are forgiven. Obviously this doesn't mean that no consequences will come, but that's another blog...) That said, I ask that you would spend time today, tonight, and tomorrow morning praying for God's glory, wisdom, and plan in all of this. We pray that, when we walk away tomorrow, we will have peace that, no matter what has happened, God has been glorified. I'm going to try to embed that song from Seeds Family Worship because it has been so helpful in reminding me of God's promise in Psalms. (Yay! I did it! It's at the bottom of my page...)

The Dr. Brewer Pregnancy Diet

2009-04-16T22:35:00.006-04:00

So, most of the people who would read this blog know that I had severe Preeclampsia when I was 31 weeks pregnant with Evan. I was admitted to the hospital on bedrest for a week, when I became so sick that they delivered our sweet boy by c-section in order to pretty much save my life. He was in the NICU for 6 weeks before he was healthy enough to come home. It was a horrible experience and, even though I know God used it for His glory (I've seen some of the ways), our biggest hope with future pregnancies is to never, ever, go through that again. That said...

When I was in the hospital on bedrest, I asked several of my doctors and nurses what I could have done to have prevented this disease. They all said there was nothing I could do. That it just happens to some people, and the only way to "cure" it is to deliver the baby. That's not pleasant news.

When we found out that we were pregnant with this new little one, I immediately began researching online for ways to prevent preeclampsia. Most of the more "mainstream" websites said the same thing the doctors did- there is nothing I can do. I continued to look and came across something called "The Dr. Brewer Pregnancy Diet." In it's very most basic form, it is a diet that tells you to eat lots of protein (anywhere from 80 to 200 grams a day depending on the pregnancy.) It also specifies that you eat a certain number of whole grains, eggs (not counted in with your protein), vitamin A and C-rich foods, leafy green veggies, etc. I can't explain it all because there is so much information about it. But after reading about the multitude of research on the diet and it's success with preventing preeclampsia, James and I are committed to my eating this way for the next 7ish months. The scary thing (for me) is that it expects you to gain up to 35 (or more) pounds! However, the weight is gained by eating healthy, nutrient-rich, natural foods, not junk food. Scary, still, because weight has been a struggle for me my whole life. But I believe this can work for me, especially after reading stories of twins and triplets weighing in at 81/2 to 9 pounds each! That's almost unheard of in normal pregnancy stories!

That said, if you or someone you know has dealt with preeclampsia, I would strongly encourage you to visit this website: home.mindspring.com/~djsnjones/index.html. Read the whole thing, even though it will probably take you several sittings. In fact, even if you haven't struggled with this in the past, I would encourage you to read it. One, because it's a healthy pregnancy diet in general, so it would be helpful for anyone in their child-bearing years. Two, because I didn't know that I would get preeclampsia in my 31st week. Apparently I had skipped that chapter in my baby books because I knew nothing about it. You never know when something will happen and you will need to already have the knowledge to take care of yourself.

Last, if anyone reading this has any stories about friends who have used this successfully, or even unsuccessfully, I would love to hear them. We're trying to make the best decisions for our baby and our family, and preventing bedrest, surgery, and a NICU stay is definitely in the best interest of all of the above.

I have one more piece of whole-wheat toast to eat before I go to bed- it's hard fitting it all in, but having an eating schedule is helping. (And I'm only eating the bare-minimum of what I have to eat!) If you see me and I'm huge, hopefully it's because I'm growing a super-healthy little baby! Good night!

Shortest Post Ever...

2009-04-14T11:48:00.001-04:00

I'm so tired and I love turkey bacon. The end.

Resurrection Sunday

2009-04-13T07:43:00.004-04:00

We had such a relaxing Resurrection Sunday. We woke up semi-early so we could get the kids dressed in their "new-to-us" outfits. We took pictures before we went to church (which was a good idea because everyone was in a good mood.) Then we went to church, where the children weren't horrible (a "good" day for us :)). We came home, ate pasta, took a good nap, and put the kids' outfits back on. Then we went to Lollie and Pop's house for a cookout. It was a beautiful evening and the children had a ball playing outside and watching Daddy and Pop put up a fence post. After that we came home, put the children to bed, and went to bed ourselves by 9pm! What a treat! It was so nice to have such a peaceful day while celebrating the resurrection of our Savior. The children didn't understand the significance, but it was exciting to dream of days ahead when they'll accept Jesus as their personal Savior.

Too Funny to Forget!

2009-04-10T17:17:00.002-04:00

So this was so cute that I had to write it immediately before I forgot. Yesterday we started a new positive reinforcement system for the girls. (It's mostly for Gabi, but we knew Sarah wouldn't sit back while Gabs got rewarded!) I made a chart for each of the girls that says, "Gabi knows how to obey!" and "Sarah knows how to obey!" I made a bunch of bubble-circles on it. When the girls obey me (which can range from picking up toys to leaving each other alone) I give them a sticker. When they get 5 stickers, they get a treat. (Like 1 piece of candy corn or a tic tac.)

So, just now, I gave the girls a grocery bag and asked them to pick up trash off the floor. (Nannie brought them chocolate bunnies and there was foil all over the place. Don't ask...) They did, so I gave Sarah 2 candy corns and told her to give 1 to Gabi. Well, Gabi (of course) took both of them and Sarah freaked out. So I told Gabi to give one back to Sarah, which she did. (After looking carefully to make sure she kept the best one to herself- how do they learn this? Original sin, I tell ya...) As I was throwing away their grocery bag of trash, I hear Gabi say, "Don't eat it Sarah. Let's pray." They start singing "Thank you fader, thank you fader" in unison. It was precious! Oh, that I would remember to thank my Father for even the tiniest treats in life! I love my children!

A Sacred and Holy Trust

2009-04-10T09:30:00.003-04:00

I found this quote as I was "blog-hopping." (I needed to be doing the dishes, but alas, I got distracted as I was heading that way...)

"Oh that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into it's soul to see it's possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of it's life, and for it's destiny, --she would see that in all God's world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers and she would committ to no other hands the sacred and holy trust given her." -JR Miller

Sometimes I forget that my job is more than just for today- that the words I speak and the actions I show today will have an affect on eternity. Father, I pray that you would help me to put my selfish desires and motives away and instead focus on You and the incredible task you have seen fit to bless me with. Convict me when I make poor choices, when I choose sin over obedience, and teach me how to parent like You, in a way that teaches my children Your love and grace. Amen.

To the Zoo!

2009-04-09T09:41:00.002-04:00

James and I are so excited! Our little Naaman has 4 siblings: 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Since they have been in care, one brother has been in another foster home and the other brother and sisters have been in various children's homes. Naaman, of course, has been with us since birth. The siblings are supposed to get weekly visits with each other but that doesn't always happen since the one brother is in another city. We've been so sad for them as we've watched their story unfold. That said, last week we asked Naaman's caseworker for permission to take all the children, as well as our others, to the zoo. Yesterday, I received an e-mail with permission! We are thrilled! The caseworker said the kids are going to be so excited, too, not only to go to the zoo, but to go together. We're going to "do" the zoo, eat a picnic lunch, play on the playground, then come back to our house. We'll finish the afternoon off playing at our house, then eat a big dinner all together. Then we'll take the kids to their respective homes. I called Enterprise yesterday to see if they would give us a deal on a van rental since we can't fit all 8 children in our van. The man is supposed to call me back and let me know. We can take 2 cars if we need to, but we'd rather go together as "one family." What a joy it will be to be able to give these sweet children some time together! Please pray for pretty weather and for all the preparations to go smoothly. Planning a day trip for 8 children, 4 of which are in diapers, 2 of which are potty-training, and 2 of which are almost pre-teens is a little intimidating! We know the Lord will give us strength, patience, and an abundance of His love, though. I'll keep you updated as we go!

"Sew" Fun

2009-04-04T07:51:00.002-04:00

Last night, Kelly came over to do "crafts" and just have some Mommy time. Her husband was playing cards with his friends and my sweet James was setting up our new internet connection and putting up new lead-free blinds. We had a great time, even though we didn't really start any crafts until over an hour of talking! We've been friends for a month or so, but we're still learning new things that we both like. God has truly blessed me with her friendship. Anyhow...

Kelly brought her sewing machine over! I've wanted to know how to sew since I can remember, but I've always been scared. I'm a perfectionist- if I can't do it right quickly, then I'd usually rather not do it. Not a great quality, I know. Kelly was really patient, though, and showed me everything about the machine. How to make a bobbin, how to put the thread in, how to raise and lower the foot, etc. By the end of the evening, I had made a baby doll hat! Yes, I had sewn something and it didn't look half bad. It was a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to learning more. My dream is to be able to make the girls Easter dresses next Spring. (And maybe a matching skirt for myself.) I know it may be tough because I don't have a whole lot of time to sit down and do anything that isn't absolutely necessary, but I think it would be good for me to have something I can do for myself and still be serving my family. We'll see- I'm going to keep my eye out for a used sewing machine so that I can leave it out in my bedroom and do a little when I do have time. I'll let you know how it goes! (If it goes :))

Sick days...

2009-04-01T09:44:00.004-04:00

Well, our family has officially gotten the "tummy bug" this year. I thought we had escaped it, but James got sick on Sunday evening, I got sick on Monday evening, and today both Sarah and Nathan have it. I have to say, though, that I still feel so blessed. James and I had mostly the throw-up part, but the kids have had diarrhea. I'd so much rather deal with yucky diapers than with vomit, especially when my little ones are too little to control where it lands! We're using this opportunity to spend quality time together. As stressed as it makes me to let the laundry and cleaning pile up, I'm focusing on just holding my sweet ones and loving on them when they don't feel well. Right now, Gabi, Sarah, and Evan are behind me, running around on newsprint. We got it out and started by using stamps and ink, then traced cookie cutters to make shapes. Next, I traced the girls and they traced me. Now, they stretched it out like a runway and are having a ball running up and down it. In fact, Gabs just looked at me, smiled, and said, "I'm having a party day!" I was just looking at them, thinking how fast this time will go. It makes my heart hurt a little just to think about how fast they're growing. I know it won't be long until I'm looking back, wondering how it all went by so quickly. So, for today, we're going to have a "party day." We're going to play and laugh and snuggle and, yes, even make a big messy wreck. And instead of getting frustrated because I can't get anything done, I'm going to be glad for my little interruptions. I'm going to cherish them because, one day soon, they'll be grown. By the way, this whole thought-rambling is probably due mostly to a women's comference I went to this past weekend. Karen Kingsbury was one of the speakers. She has written a children's book (which is really for mom's) about how we don't take time to enjoy our children's "lasts" because we don't know they'll be the lasts. For instance, we don't know that the last time our child gets in bed with us in the morning to snuggle will be the last until we later realize that it was. It was a really sweet book, and really made me realize how many "lasts" I've already had, especially with Gabi, that I haven't appreciated. I'm purposing to enjoy every moment with my sweet children, because I don't know what will be a last. The end.

Slow to anger...

2009-03-26T09:14:00.002-04:00

We've had a rough week so far. I've been very tired- you know, the kind of tired that makes you feel like crawling in bed and sleeping for weeks? I'm pretty sure it's the baby. He/She is developing a lot of major organs and systems in these next few weeks. You know the saying, "It's hard work to grow a baby."? Well, it is. Not that I'm complaining; I'm just so frustrated with myself and my lack of desire to do anything. My sweet James has been so helpful; picking up most of the slack where I've left off when he gets home after a long day at work. I'm so thankful that he's so supportive and involved with our family. Anyhow, the thing I really wanted to confess is that I've been having a hard time with the girls this week. I've just been really impatient and very quick to get angry or frustrated when they don't obey. I don't want to be like this, but it feels like I can't control it. I, however, being a child of Christ, know that that's untrue. The Bible says, "...everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." (James 1:19-20) It's not an option if I want to be righteous, it's a command. So, today, I purpose to be slow to anger. I purpose to encourage and uplift my girls when they do right, and to discipline them with love and compassion when they choose wrong. I'll let you know if I succeed.

Better than a wipe...

2009-03-24T08:00:00.002-04:00

Gabi was sitting on the living room floor with Brownie, my brother Christopher's puppy, this morning. (We're taking care of him this week while my mom and Christopher are in Atlanta.) She sneezed, and this conversation followed:

Gabi: I got snot.

Me: Let me get a wipe.

Gabi: It's all gone. Brownie licked it.

I don't know whether to be totally grossed out or to be thankful that we're helping the environment and saving money at the same time!

Have a wonderful, snot-lickin' day!

Simple Woman's Daybook

2009-03-23T15:51:00.005-04:00

For Today...

Outside my window... somebody mowing our neighbor's yard.

I am thinking... that Nathan is going to need to eat soon.

From the learning rooms... Gabi's Speech Therapist came today and encouraged me to play "follow me" games with her to encourage following multi-step directions.

I am thankful for... a precious husband who not just "lets me" stay home with our children, but finds delight in it :).

From the kitchen... some ground turkey in the fridge waiting to be made into dinner.

I am wearing... "play clothes."

I am reading... Birth After Caesarian

I am hoping... that James' will not have to stay late at work.

I am creating... nothing right now, but I'm thinking about getting something easy to cross stitch while the girls are going to sleep.

I am hearing... Nathan start to get fussy for his bottle.

Around the house... lots of things for me to do!

One of my favorite things... our beautiful, wonderful new house and yard!

A few plans for the rest of the week... all the children are getting shots on Wednesday; I'm kind of dreading it.

Kindred Spirits

2009-03-21T09:57:00.002-04:00

From the time I was old enough to read up until now, I have loved the Anne of Green Gables books. I, like "Anne with an E," was always lost in my imagination. I could lose myself in a book or a story in my mind and the world was a perfect place. And I, like Anne, always wanted a "kindred spirit." You know, someone who understands me, who thinks the way I think and feels the way I feel. (Or at least most the time :)) Well, about a month ago James and I took the children to Sam's (minus Gabi who spent the day with her Nannie) to grocery shop. As we were checking out, I noticed someone who looked familiar. I realized she was the sister of a girl I had graduated from high school with and who went to college with me. I asked her if she was, and she said yes. We started talking and found out that we're both stay-at-home moms with little ones. She has a little girl in Kindergarten, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old. She uses cloth diapers (which I'm interested in trying, but still unsure about) and bakes homemade bread (which I want to do to make good whole wheat bread.) She sews (which I can only dream of doing) and is going to homeschool beginning next year (which we are fully committed to doing). Yes, Kelly is a kindred spirit. We both talk too much, and often talk over each other, but we just laugh it off. Kelly, too, is struggling to lose weight, so we've walked several times together and enjoyed the fact that it's not as boring when you have someone to chat with. We like getting together at the park, which is great because, when one of our children needs to potty, the other is there to watch the rest of the children. I have prayed, literally, for years for a kindred spirit. I had resigned myself to the fact that I was strange and that I would probably never find someone who was insane enough to want to spend time with me and my multitude of children. I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven who loves me enough to give me this gift. I don't know how long our friendship will last (though I hope forever), but I'm determined to enjoy every minute of it that I'm blessed with right now. Kelly, thanks for being a kindred spirit. Thanks for liking me for who I am, insane as I am. Thanks for being my "Diana." The end. Or "the beginning." :)

A Precious Blessing

2009-03-19T10:59:00.002-04:00

James and I are excited to announce that Saturday night we found out that we're expecting a new baby sometime in November, we think. For those of you who are thinking, "Isn't this number 5?" Yes, it is! We were surprised, excited, and terrified! Mostly terrified about the possibilty of Preeclampsia and having an early baby who needs to be in the NICU and all the medical concerns that go along with the condition. However, we are thrilled about God adding to our family; we know that He is in control and that "where God guides, He provides." We haven't told the girls yet because it would be beyond their comprehension at this point. I think when my tummy starts growing is when we'll begin to weave it into conversation. We'll see. Thank you, all, for your love and support. We're so glad that you're excited with us. Please pray for mine and the baby's health and that God would prepare the hearts of our other children for this new addition. Mostly, pray that God would continue growing and teaching us so that we can bring our children up in "the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4) Praise the Lord for His precious blessing!

"Plack in Play"

2009-03-18T09:15:00.003-04:00

I got this idea from my sister, Whitney, who posted some of my niece's cutest sayings on her blog a while back. The girls are constantly saying cute things that just make me laugh or melt inside. Here are some of my favorites:

Gabi:

Plack in Play= Pack'n'play
Come wis us= Come with me
Don't smell me!= When I snuggle her close to me- I guess she can hear me breathing and thinks I'm "smelling her?" No idea where that came from...
Hold you= Hold me (Sarah says this, too)
Sing "Pop Short"= When she wants me to sing I'm a little tea (pot, short) and stout

Sarah:

Dabi= Gabi
I gon't know= I don't know
Yami= Lambi
Put tabie= Put it on the table
Nafa= Nathan

I'll add more as I think of them... Have a good day!

The "Just be Glad" Game

2009-03-13T07:44:00.003-04:00

Well, it's been a strange few days... on Wednesday, I was laying on the girls' bedroom floor. When I got up, I did something to my right hip- but I have no idea what. I've been having really bad hip pain in both hips off and on for several months. Well, this pain was unexplainable. I could hardly move. In fact, my sweet dad ("Pop to the kids") came over after school to help out. James ended up coming home about 45 minutes early from work and I made an appointment with my doctor for yesterday. Poor James, he took care of the kids all day yesterday while I laid in bed and tried not to move. They sure are a handful when you're not used to being with them all day every day! I think he loves me even more, now! Anyhow, my doctor had no idea what I did, but he gave me some pain medicine and did x-rays. The frustrating thing was- my insurance wouldn't pay for the pain medicine. They said they needed "doctor authorization" because he had prescribed twice the recommended dose. I was so looking forward to taking that medicine and "passing out" for the night. I ended up taking some of my migraine medicine to help me sleep through the pain. This morning I feel much better- not myself, but I think the rest helped some. Hopefully today I'll find out something from the x-rays.

You may be wondering why this post is titled The "Just be Glad" Game. Well, I used to love the book, Pollyanna. In it, Pollyanna transforms an entire town by teaching them to find the "silver lining" in their troubles. In the end, she falls out of a tree (I think?) and is paralyzed. She decides there's no way she can be glad about being paralyzed and the whole town comes to her rescue to make her happy again. That's a very short version, but if you've never read it, I'd highly recommend it. Anyhow, things I can be glad about:

1. James took today off to take care of the children. I'm always so thankful to have an extra day to spend with my precious husband!

2. I was able to "take a day off" yesterday. It was really frustrating to lay in bed and know everything I needed to be doing, but couldn't do. I think God used this to give me some rest I wouldn't have normally taken, or been able to take, for myself. I feel very rested mentally and emotionally today.

3. I had some much-needed prayer time. I normally pray continuously just as I go through my day. I was really yearning for some actual "quiet time" though, and was so thankful to have time to "Be still, and know that [He is] God."

4. I was reminded to be thankful for my strength and mobility- there are many people who are bed or wheelchair-bound, and I am amazed at how they do it day after day. I'm so thankful that I have the ability to move around and care for my home and family; I want to remember this so I don't take this ability for granted.

I'm sure there are other things I could write, but I need to rest some more. Have a wonderful Friday!

I "Heart" Naptime

2009-03-06T14:24:00.002-05:00

I looovvveee naptime! That's all I wanted to say- just that I'm so thankful that the girls are back to taking good 2-hour naps thanks to the pink noise we downloaded for them. It's like white noise, but a little less harsh to the ears. We also put blackout curtains in their room. Our little girls are so much happier and well-behaved when they are rested! And Mommy is, too!

Sarah Had a Little Lamb...

2009-03-06T09:10:00.005-05:00

What a beautiful morning to wake up to! It's supposed to be about 70 degrees today, so we're getting ready to go to the park. Meanwhile, as I was getting the kids dressed, I did what I often do: make up a song. I take classic tunes, change the words to fit my kids, and voila! They love it and so do I. So this morning, Sarah was holding her Lambie, who had on matching pjs. When I took Sarah's pjs off, I had to, of course, take Lambie's off, too. Lambie is Sarah's "lovie." She sleeps with him/her? every night and carries her around most of the day. Lambie sits in an extra booster seat to eat meals with us and rides in Sarah's baby doll stroller in leu of a baby doll. She's pretty much a member of the family. So, the song we sang today was:

Sarah had a little Lambie,
Little Lambie, little Lambi,
Sarah had a little Lambie
Whose fleece was white as snow.

The verses go on, but I have to admit that "fleece white as snow" is a bit of a stretch. Lambie has a very "loved-on" look about her. Then, as always, we had to make up a song for Gabi. Gabi's lovie is my gray bear named "Big Bear" that I received as a birthday present for my 8th birthday. He was my "lovie." At 18 years old, he's still going strong!

Gabi had a big bear,
Big bear, Big bear,
Gabi had a big bear,
Whose fur what gray as clouds.

Then, there's Evan. Evan sleeps with a little dog that one of his NICU nurses, Deana, gave him. It has a rattle inside and it warms my heart in the morning or after nap when I hear that doggie rattling and I know that my Ev is awake and playing happily.

Evan had a little doggie,
Little doggie, little doggie,
Evan had a little doggie
Whose fur was brown as rice.

(He's kind of a tan color :))

Last, but not least, there's Nathan. Nathan doesn't have an animal lovie yet, but he loves to hold onto blankies. So here's his song:

Nathan had a little blankie,
Little blankie, little blankie,
Nathan had a little blankie
Whose fluff was blue as the sky.

Well, I do hope I haven't bored you with my rambling, but, one day, I'll be glad to be able to look back and remember these fun songs. Gotta get ready for the park!

What's on my mind...

2009-03-05T15:21:00.001-05:00

Hi! My name is Kate. I am married to an incredible, Godly man, James, and we have 4 amazing children: Gabi (2), Sarah(1), Evan(1), and Naaman(3months.) I am blessed that my husband allows me to stay home with our sweet little ones, even when it's a little (or a lot!) chaotic. I am a follower of Christ and desire to use every aspect of my life to bring Glory and Honor to Him. Just so you know, I'd be surprised if a small percentage of my life does that. I am a work in progress in a big way. I am thankful, however, that Christ's "grace is sufficient" for me and His "power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9) This blog has only one purpose other than to bring glory to the God who created me. As a stay at home mom with 4 very small children, I feel like I need an outlet in which to express my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ramblings. Some days I may post several times, sometimes I may go days or maybe weeks without a post. No matter how often, this is a place for me to just be "me."